Make me a Dwarf
by CleoGal
Summary: Before the company entered Mirkwood, Gandalf warned them to stay on the path. What happens when one sneaky hobbit decides that it wouldn't hurt anyone to take a look around and one certain dwarf goes after him? What other surprises apart from danger does Mirkwood have in its' dark corners? And how do they handle the consequences of that little misfortune?
1. Chapter 1

**So yeah, here I go again. I'm currently writing one Hobbit story, but the idea of this came into my mind and I couldn't make it go away. The idea was interesting and I hope I'll do it justice by writing it down. At first I wasn't sure about writing two stories simultaneously, but this morning I woke up and couldn't think of anyhting else, before I wrote this down. Took me good four hours, but I'm quite satisfied with the result. And I thought, what the hell-if I can write one, I could probably write two, right? :) Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

**Diclaimer: If you recognize anything, I don't own it.  
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* * *

**I**

As the dwarves vere busy removing their bags from the ponies, grumbling to themselves about untrustworthy wizards and over-possesive skin-changers, Bilbo stood a few feet away clutching his small bag of things in his hands tightly. He felt his ears go red when he heard the epithets Dwalin was dedicating to Gandalf. Bifur was mumbling something in Khuzdul, and if Dwalin's nods of agreement were any indication, the hobbit was sure he was describing the wizard in a very unfalttering way. While not being fond of such explicit swearing, he quietly agreed with others and cursed Gandalf inwardly for leaving them to get through Mirkwood on their own.

The dwarves were friendly enough, but still the hobbit felt safer with the wizard around. Who knew what might possess those rock hard skulls of theirs? Absent-mindedly Bilbo wondered if the food Beorn had given them would be enough. And what would they do when they ran out of food? He doubted that there were many edible things in a dark forest like this, and if the situation called for this, they would probably eat him first. He had lost some of his weight, but was still far away from being skinny. The hobbit shook his head. Oh, come on, Baggins, they're no trolls! Stop being ridiculous and go make yourself useful!

He was about to go and do just that when a sight of Dwalin sharpening his axe caught his eye. The hobbit gulped loudly and stopped in his tracks. Perhaps it would be better to stay just here. Where the wizard was still close. He wasn't that useful with unpacking anyways.

„Bilbo!" He jumped slightly at the sound of Gandalf's voice unexpectedly close. It should have been comforting, but it wasn't. The bastard was leaving him with thirteen very hungry and very dexterous dwarves. It probably wouldn't take them much time to plate him. Not with Bombur being so very skilled in the kitchen. He mentally smacked himself on the forehead. Bilbo, you're clearly starting to lose your mind. He shook his head again and turned to Gandalf.

„Yes?"

„Can I have a little chat with you before I leave?"

„Um, sure, I suppose."

„I've said this many times already, but I doubt any of our friends there," he motioned with his head towards the still grumbling dwarves, „take these threats very seriously. It is your job to make sure they are safe. It will be up to you to keep them on the path. Whatever it takes." And how exactly was he supposed to do that? He doubted there would be anything he could do if Fili and Kili suddenly decided to go and check out what was happening in the bushes. Was he supposed to tie them together in a row like he had seen hobbit mothers tie their babes when going for longer walks? Oh, yes, he could just picture the joy and excitement on Thorin's face when he proposed to look after them like a mother hobbit. Dwalin would probably even give him a hug. The last one in his life.

„Bilbo, are you listening to me?" Gandalf's voice sounded a little annoyed.

„Yes, I, um, just thinking. How am I supposed to keep this lot in control? It's not like they're listening to me or anything." Bilbo hoped that the wizard would see his point and let him be.

„My dear hobbit, I believe you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. You stood alone against a pack of orcs. I think you can handle a little bunch of dwarves." He offered with a smile. Bilbo was about to scoff and make a retort, but Gandalf didn't allow him. „Now, listen, I don't have much time left, I have to leave soon. Just remember that there is no way of knowing what will cross your path in Mirkwood. The forest is enchanted and it is living its' own life and does whatever it wishes to those who choose to enter it. Keep on the path, I beg of you. Many stories have I heard of the things happening to those who leave the path even for a few steps. Some stories are scary, some are almost unbelievable and some are quite amusing, really. But mostly they are tales of horror, so I advise you to be smart. Mirkwood possesses magic that even I am not familiar with." Bilbo was about to ask Gandalf to elaborate exactly what horrors had happened there. But the wizard had already gone to say his goodbyes to the dwarves. Well, maybe it was for the best if he didn't know. As of now he wasn't sure himself that he wouldn't curse everything and run after the ponies that had just taken off. Such stories would probably just give him a push to do that. With a sight he threw a glance at the forest, and wondered what amusing story could Gandalf had possibly heard. Mirkwood seemed anything but amusing to him.

* * *

Thorin finally decided it was time for them to stop. They had been walking for hours and it was so dark that they kept bumping into each other all the time. And after Kili almost managed to knock Thorin off his feet he had finally given up on the idea of them covering a longer distance today.

Bilbo knew Thorin well enough to decipher the look on his face. The bastard would definitely wake them up earlier tomorrow. It was easier for him, walking in the front, not having to bump into anybody. Bilbo had managed to walk straight into Dwalin's back on several occasions and he was positive that the dwarf was not loving him. At all. The hobbit was probably soon going to be on his black list amongst Gandalf and Beorn.

With a sigh Bilbo took his pack off his sore shoulders and made an attempt to stretch. He could feel every single muscle in his body ache and realised with bitterness that there would be no way he could get enough sleep this night. Or any other night that he would have to spend in this horrible place. During the day he could almost feel the forest watching him, as if planning what to do to him. He knew the others were probably feeling likewise, but being dwarves with their thick skin and heavy muscles they definitely didn't worry that much. Fili and Kili had even made an attempt to lighten the mood by starting a song, a very enthusiastic Bofur joining in, until Thorin had silenced them with one of his glares. Bilbo had been grateful for the distraction in form of a cheerful song, but that grumpy old sod just had to butt in and ruin it. It wasn't their fault that he was impossible not to annoy. Bilbo had sworn quietly under his nose and kept on walking. A snicker from Bofur indicated that he had heard Bilbo. The hobbit threw an apologetic look at the dwarf who smiled widely in return. They had spent the rest of the day in silence.

Oin and Gloin were about to get the fire going, but Thorin stopped them.

„We do not know what lives in these trees. The fire will probably just get us more attention." While his reasoning was logical and seemed wise, Bilbo still felt annoyed. Not only was he supposed to sleep in this dark and gloomy place, the promising comfort and warmth of a fire was also forbidden. He huffed and pouted, feeling like a hobbit babe that had been denied candy before dinner.

They ate quickly in silence and there was no talking in the camp as everybody got ready for sleep. Bilbo was still pouting by the time he rested his head on his bag that he was using as a pillow. Sleep came surprisingly easy to him that night.

* * *

The hobbit woke early the next morning. He felt rested enough to get up. The others seemed to be asleep. Apart from Thorin, of course, Bilbo noted with annoyance. The dwarf was leaning against a tree, his sharp eyes watching their surroundings. Did he ever sleep? Hoping to avoid any conversation with him, the hobbit quietly started assembling his belongings and packing his bag back together. He felt Thorin watching him, but made no attempt to aknowledge that. He was still annoyed with the dwarf for ruining his mood the previous day.

Few very short moments later his bag was all packed and he weigthed his options on whether to have breakfast now or wait for the rest of their company. He decided on the latter, doubting that he would be able to swallow anything with Thorin watching him. Oh, Bilbo was sure he would be watching; their provisions were limited and the dwarf wouldn't risk his kin staying hungry on behalf of one small, yet insatiable hobbit.

Bilbo decided then that he would just walk around a little bit and check out their surroundings. It had been too dark last night for him to see anything. He wasn't sure it was the best idea, since the forest seemed menacing and evil, but the idea of having to make small talk with Thorin scared him even more. As long as he didn't leave the path too far behind he should be fine.

Still ignoring the dwarf watching him, the hobbit stood up and made his way towards the trees. There wasn't much more light than there had been last night, but it was enough for him to at least see what he was looking at. The trees seemed foreign and unknown to the hobbit, and being a creature that was raised to appreciate all green and living, he felt an incredible pull to see what else new was hidden here. In reasonable proximity from the path, of course.

Just as he was about to take his first step off the path a low hiss stopped him. „Where do you think you're going?" Bilbo spun around to see Thorin, who had stood up from his place and taken a few steps towards the hobbit.

„Nowhere. I was just curious of our surroundings, that's all." He replied, looking Thorin in the eye, trying no to show that he was afraid. And annoyed. Who did Thorin think he was, controlling Bilbo like that. He was a grown-up hobbit and knew what he was doing.

„Both Beorn and Gandalf told us to keep on the path. Or do you think yourself smarter than them, sneaking off like that?" Thorin asked with a smirk. Bilbo hadn't realised that his smirks were as annoying as his glares were scary. Master of facial expressions, was he?

„I know what they said, thank you very much for reminding me." The hobbit answered, trying to make the sarcasm in his voice as clear as he could. „But nothing bad should happen if I take just a few steps to look around." He wasn't sure that he even wanted to look anymore, but somehow stepping back felt like surrender. And he would not surrender to that smug bastard that their leader was. No, he would not. „Maybe you would prefer it if I tied a rope around myself and let you hold the other end?" Bilbo asked with a raised eyebrow. Who was the smug bastard now?

Thorin looked unimpressed and shot him another smirk. „Feel free to do whatever you want." He said and turned his back to Bilbo, obviously about to make his way back to his previous spot.

„Fine." The hobbit muttered under his breath and took a step off the path. By now his desire to look around was long gone, but he didn't want to step down. Dwarves were known to be stubborn, yes, but damn it, Bilbo Baggins could be stubborn, too. He stomped off without really seeing what was around him or even looking back to see how far he'd gone. Only when he felt a hand on his shoulder did he stop, too scared to make a sound.

He turned around to came face to face with Thorin. „Are you completely out of your mind, burglar?"

„I thought you told me to do whatever I want." Bilbo spat, he was still annoyed and didn't want Thorin to see that he had startled him.

„Yes, but I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to do so." Thorin spat back and grabbed Bilbo by the hand. „We're going back, now." And without a warning he started pulling the hobbit back towards the path. Muttering under his breath something about dumb little creatures and reckless hobbits, he didn't expect the hand to be yanked out of his grasp. The dwarf spun around to look at the hobbit who had stopped dead in his tracks, obviously trying to make a point.

„Come on now, don't make me carry you back, because I swear to Mahal, I'll do it."

Bilbo felt his eyes narrow. „You wouldn't." He said looking at the dwarf suspiciously. If he knew anything about Thorin and the majestic levels of his stubborness, the hobbit was sure in just a moment he would be slung across Thorin's shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

And he was right since the dwarf moved forward to get a grip of Bilbo. The hobbit moved just in time and made an attempt to flee, but his big feet chose that exact moment to forget how to walk properly and he felt himself about to fall face first into a pile of old, rotting leaves. Just great, he thought, just what I needed to prove Thorin wrong. He wasn't prepared to feel hands on his waist, trying to catch and steady him, so his initial reaction was to push them away. Instead of arms he managed to push Thorin in the chest. The dwarf, on his end, wasn't expecting to be pushed away, so he lost his balance and stumbled backwards. He managed not to fall and felt his back collide with a trunk of a tree. The hobbit then collided right into Thorin.

„What the hell?" They cried in unison, trying to get untangled from each other. It turned out to be harder that expected since one of Thorin's braids ended up stuck on one of Bilbo's buttons. The hobbit tried to carefully pry the braid free only to have his hands smacked away.

„Hey, just don't rip the..." He started just as Thorins fingers clasped around the braid and prepared to pull. A quick moment later the braid was free and Bilbo's shirt was missing one more button. „..button. Thank you for that." The hobbit added with a sigh.

„You're welcome." Thorin answered with a scowl. So, he was also the king of sarcasm now?

Bilbo was still leaning against Thorin and made an attempt to get away. The dwarf gladly assisted him and only when they were both standing upright did they notice some weird golden glow around them. They both looked up to see that some kind of weird mist that seemed to be slowly falling from the tree Thorin had been leaning on. Apparently the impact from the dwarf colliding into it had made the leaves shake and the golden flour-like substance to fall down.

Both looked at each other with surprise, not realising what was going on. Instinctively Bilbo took a hold of Thorin's hand since it provided him some comfort. They kept looking at each other, feeling that the world was slipping away from them until everything went into darkness. The last thing they saw where each other's eyes, a golden curtain of mist the only thing between them.

* * *

Bilbo awoke to the sound of his name being called somewhere nearby. He tried opening his eyes, but abandoned the idea immediately since he was afraid his head would split in half. Meanwhile the voices kept calling his name along with one other.

„Thorin!"

„Bilbo! Come on now, wake up!"

The hobbit made an attempt to answer, but nothing more than a muffled mumble left his tongue.

„What was that?"

„Uncle, are you alright?"

„Bilbo! Come on, lad, don't keep us worried!"

„Thorin!" The voices were starting to bug him now. If they could just shut up and let him take his time to gather his brains together. Damn those rude dwarves!

He made another attempt of speaking, this time to tell the dwarves to lay off.

„Would... youmpff.. shut up..." His voice was nothing more than a whisper and it didn't sound right. It sounded as though he'd woken up from a long sleep. With a cold.

He felt a grip on his arm, obviously trying to shake him awake.

„Oh, I wouldn't do that, brother, he might punch you in the face." When had he ever punched anyone? His brain cooperated surprisingly quickly and handed him a memory of himself slapping an annoying relative accross the face when the latter had insulted Bilbo's skills at conkers. But that was a mere slap, not a punch. And he had only done that because he had had a pint of mead in him.

Was this it? Was he just drunk off his ass and experiencing the worst hangover ever?

„THORIN!"

Whas something wrong with him, too? Had they gotten drunk together? The others seemed to be fine and very much awake judging by the noises around him that hadn't stopped for a second. He even heard Bifur's Khuzdul somewhere near his head. So, was it just him and Thorin then? Maybe they got carried away at Beorn's? Yeah, like that would ever happen. He could hardly imagine Thorin drunk, let alone drinking with him, Bilbo.

„Come on now, lads! Enough lying around!"

„Master Baggins!"

„Thorin!"

Someone was tugging at his arm again and Bilbo felt like he should perhaps punch someone after all. Mumbling something about rude dwarves he tried opening his eyes again, this time doing it slower. It appeared to be quite dark, but even the dim light was hurting his eyes as though he was looking at the sun directly. He cursed quietly in his mind and raised a hand to provide some shade. The movement felt foreign, the arm felt heavier and somehow unfamiliar. Well, that must be some mead Beorn is brewing. It was probably nothing for a giant like him, but for Bilbo's little hobbit body that was clearly more than enough.

As his hand came into his vision it didn't look like his usual little hobbit hand. So obviously his vision was impaired as well. Great. He blinked to clear his eyes and looked at the hand again. No, it was most definitely not his. He then decided it was time for him to get nervous. With a groan Bilbo made an attempt to sit up.

* * *

**Any ideas on what happened to these two? :) And if your ideas turn out to be true, is this something you would like to see continued? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Dun-du-dunn! You are all geniuses and deserve cookies :) Yes, they did switch bodies. I know the idea is old and overused, but I'm having too much fun with it to ignore it ;)**

**Thank you for reading, reviewing, following and adding this to your favourites. It makes me really happy to know that people out there are actually enjoying this.**

**Hope you enjoy the next chapter as well! In my head I call it "The mornig after" **

* * *

Bilbo felt someone help him up into a sitting position. He blinked rapidly to clear the fogginess out of his eyes. When he was finally able to focuse his vision he was met face to face with a bunch of dwarves. With a quick look around he saw that it was Fili and Kili, the latter probably being the one who had been shaking his arm since the dwarf still had a hand on him. Dwalin looked at him with suspicion, Dori was peeking from behind him. Bilbo then saw Gloin come into his sight from somewhere. The hobbit felt as though something was missing. Oh yes, hadn't he heard Bifur somewhere near his head?

As if hearing this unspoken question, the dwarf stepped from behind his back. Though he never looked at peace, now Bifur was looking even more intense. He then saw Bilbo looking at him and said something in Khuzdul, it sounded like a question. Had he really not gotten by now that hobbits don't speek dwarvish?

Bilbo sighed and the unusual noise that came out of him drove him back to his previous wonderings. What the hell had happened and why was he laying on what seemed to be bare ground? Where were the rest of the dwarves? And more importantly, where was Thorin?

He finally looked down on himself and froze. Where he had expected to see bare feet, he saw big leather boots. Where he had expected his arms to be bare, he saw leather and metal cuffs. His little hobbit fingers had been replaced by bigger ones, with several rings on them. The fingers were attached to big and rough palms that were not his. To make sure that his head was still in place, Bilbo brought these foreign hands to find it and froze again. Where he had expected to feel his short and soft curls, he now found a mass of tangled and suspiciously long hair. Soft, just like his should be, but foreign nonetheless. A hand travelled down to his face, only to find rough beard covering most of it. On his way down to the beard he also found a nose, one that was far too long to belong to a hobbit. He wondered absent-mindedly how he had ever managed to see any dwarves in the first place with that thing in his way.

His hand travelled to the side of his face and found a braid. He quickly found a symmetrical one on the other side. Bilbo kept staring at the faces in front of him, almost feeling their worry in the air around him. None of them spoke, though, and he was thankful for that. The pieces were slowly sewing themselves toghether in his head. And if what he thought was true, then there was an explanation for them keeping quiet. He knew his eyes would be wide as platters by now, and the dwarves were probably not used to see that expression on the face of their leader. Not Bilbo Baggins, mind you, no. The face of Thorin Oakenshield.

Somehow, the hobbit had absolutely no idea how, he had ended up in Thorin's body. He assumed that even the heaviest drinking couldn't have this kind of consequences. Bilbo also remembered that they had left Beorn behind. Yesterday they had entered Mirkwood and now he was sitting on the ground surrounded by dwarves who thought him to be their king.

The hobbit was desperately lost at what to do with this, literally, new-found information. A part of him wanted to hope that it was some kind of awful nightmare, but he had to dismiss the idea soon since those were never this vivid. Nor this scary. He then decided that it would be wise to approach the situation with some dignity and diplomacy.

„Umm, hello there." Oh yes, that was very smooth, indeed. He had to surpress a laugh that was trying to escape him as he saw Dwalin's eyes double in size, they were almost round by now. „What appears to be the problem?" Much better, yes.

„Uncle, are you alright?" Bilbo let out a quiet whine at the sound of Kili's voice. Without even realizing, the dwarf had just confirmed the hobbit's fears.

„Yes, umm, I suppose." The dwarves were still looking at him in disbelief. „Will someone, please, explain to me what happened!" Bilbo felt his patience slipping away, giving extra space to the fear that was creeping onto him quietly. And apparently, Thorin's voice with that hint of annoyance did wonders, since the dwarves seemed to come alive and started speaking all at the same time. Interesting, he had thought that it took Thorin more effort to keep his authority around here. But it seemed that his voice was doing well enough on its' own, as if it was trained to command.

„One at a time, please." He then looked around to decide which one could give him the most coherent answer. „Dwalin, do tell." It sure did feel good to see the dwarf straighten up and take his orders without any questions. Bilbo highly doubted that he would be this cooperative, had he known who was speaking in Thorin's voice. And then it hit the hobbit, that if he wanted to get to the bottom of this, Dwalin would have to find out. Oh, well, not like he liked Bilbo anyway.

„Well, we woke up to see that you were missing. We thought nothing of it at first, since you sometimes leave to look ahead, but when Bofur noticed that the burglar was gone, too, we got suspicious. We spent a good hour shouting around, attracting all kind of filthy attitude from the forest. And no sign from you. These two," he motioned with his bald head towards Fili and Kili, „then decided to look further from the path and found you two snuggling under a tree. Snoring and everything."

Bilbo slightly gulped at his last sentence. Snuggling? He was sure Thorin would rather chew his own hair off than snuggle up with anyone. Especially a hobbit. So it must have been Bilbo who had initiated that. Hobbits were known to be creatures who appreciated touches, and this particular hobbit would snuggle up to anything that came too close to his sleeping form. That was how he had woken up one morning to find himself clinging to Oin. Bilbo had removed himself quietly and tried to sleep further away from everybody since then.

Dwalin continued in the meantime „So then we tried to wake you up, but no results. You just clung to each other and kept on sleeping. When we finally managed to untangle you from one another, we brought you back to the camp." He got quiet for a moment as if to decide whether to continue or not. Obviously deciding that they deserved an explanation he asked. „What the hell happened there? Kili was ensuring us that you two had probably been romancing each other in private, but we dismissed the idea since both of you were properly clothed." He finished off with a smirk.

While Kili looked positively flushed. He was about to start explaining himself to his uncle, but Bilbo raised a hand to make him quiet. He would take care of that later. Right now even the idea of him and Thorin going at it didn't hold his attention. What he needed to find now was Thorin. And his own body; preferably both in the same place. He didn't bother answering Dwalin, not like he knew what to aswer anyway.

„Where is Th.. he?" Bilbo asked, trying to get up. It proved to be difficult since his extremities seemed to be too big and too dwarvish for a hobbit to operate effectively. And how could Thorin even move around wearing all these layers? Someone had removed Orcrist from his belt, which the hobbit was thankful for since he didn't even know how to approach the thing. Clumsily he made his way towards the other group of dwarves that were fussing around, well, him.

He looked down curiously at his own body laying on the ground. Someone, he suspected it was Bofur, had even put a blanket under his head. The experience was surreal, watching himself from a distance. He then realized that mirrors and water reflections had been lying to him. From where he was standing, his little hobbit body didn't look as chubby as he had felt walking around in it. He could definitely see that there were muscles appearing on his legs and arms, probably from his recent adventuring. Bilbo didn't spend too much time looking at his hair and clothes, though, his hobbit heart not approving of the look of them.

Bilbo then noticed that everyone had stepped away from Thorin. Or at least he hoped there was Thorin in there, the idea of his body being abandoned scared him. With a look that was supposed to be royal and important he bent down on one knee and touched his shoulder, trying to be gentle. „Come on now, burglar, wake up!" He tried to hide the anxiety in his voice and sound confident, but clearly that didn't work since he saw everyone start behaving as though they were uncomfortable. The dwarves stepped further back to give him some space, some of them apparently still believing Kili's idea that the two were lovers. He would otherwise be annoyed, but felt that this situation did give him an advantage. And privacy.

He leaned in to whisper in his own ear, not seeing where his now long hair hung. „Thorin!" Bilbo whispered quietly. „Thorin, if you're in there, it's time for you to wake up!" This time he tried whispering and shaking his shoulder slightly. That seemed to work and just a moment later his gaze was met by light blue eyes that were so familiar to him, but held something in them that belonged to someone else. Still being face to face with what seemed to be his own reflection, he smiled at Thorin.

* * *

Thorin was hearing noises around him. They were somewhere far away and yet seemed to bother him immensely. The voices were familiar to him, but Thorin didn't bother to make out what they were saying. That couldn't be anything too important. And it would have to wait since he was extremely comfortable and was not ready to wake up yet. So he kept on sleeping, seeing a dream of high mountains surrounded by glowing golden mist. He felt free and careless and didn't want the dream to end.

The noises suddenly stopped. And were replaced by one deep and awfully familiar voice that mumbled something he couldn't quite make out. It was accompanied by a warm touch. The voice then came closer and whispered his name.

„Thorin!" He wanted to listen to it and answer, but still felt too tired. „Thorin, if you're in there, it's time for you to wake up!" The voice was now accompanied by a hand shaking his shoulder. Fine, if he wasn't getting any sleep anyway, he could as well wake up. And what did the voice mean, 'if he we was in there'? Where else would he be?

Slowly he opened his eyes. And was met by an intense gaze of piercing blue eyes that were very familiar to him, just like the voice. He had seen that look many times in reflections and heard that voice speak his mind. Yes, that was where they were familiar from. It was his look and his voice.

He felt at ease for just one short moment. If those were his eyes looking at him and his voice calling his name, where was he? He inhaled deeply, suddenly feeling the lack of oxygen. With that much needed oxygen he also inhaled a good chunk of hair that was draped over his face and felt his eyes grow wide. His own face was still looking down on him, that large nose almost touching the nose that seemed to be attached to him right now. He could see no nose, but he guessed it had to be there. Suddenly realizing that there was still a good amount of hair in his mouth, he spit it out and made a swift attempt to sit up. The face obviously didn't see that coming and Thorin felt their foreheads collide together. Well, at least he could be sure that he had a forehead.

The impact seemed to put his brain back in place. With sharp eyes he looked around to see all of his dwarves standing around him. Including himself, who was crouched on one knee, rubbing his forehead. Thorin jumped to his feet. This must be some sort of a nightmare.

„What the hell is going on?" He was taken aback by the voice that came out. It was definitely not his own, but it wasn't completely unfamiliar. „The halfling..." He muttered under his nose and took a moment to look at his hands. Small and soft. With a groan he then looked at his feet. Bare and hairy.

He saw his own figure get up and step closer. „Thorin, I..." He didn't let that voice finish.

„No, you stay away!" It was difficult to sound threatening without his own deep baritone, but he guessed he did a decent job since his body stopped moving and looked at him pleadingly.

„Thorin, let me explain." He scowled at the begging note in his voice. „I woke up just moments ago and have no idea what happened."

Thorin tried to remain calm. „And who would you be, exactly?" He spat and grit his teeth, knowing exactly who that was.

The one in his body seemed not to like that. Well, there wasn't much choice for him, now was there?

„It's me, Bilbo." He held his arms up in surrender. „Just calm down and we can talk about this." He then took a look around. „The others don't know."

Thorin took a moment to look around him. Yes, the twelve remaining dwarves seemed to have formed a circle around the two and were watching them with confusion written all over their faces. Then Fili spoke. „Would you mind explaining yourselves? What happened?" He asked politely enough and shrunk back to hide behind Gloin when two sets of bright eyes turned to look at him.

„I don't know!" They answered in unison and looked back at each other.

Thorin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It was clear to him now that this was no dream. Somehow he had ended up in the body of his burglar and decided that trying to explain that would only give him a headche; what he needed now was to gather as much information as possible. Thorin tried to collect himself together and knew that they would have to stay calm to get to the bottom of this. He struggled to remember the last thing he had done. He had gotten up early and let Gloin get some sleep before he would wake everybody up and continue walking. Then the burglar had woken up and started snooping around.

„You!" He spat, pointing a small and slim but very accusing finger at himself. „You went off the path and I followed. Whatever happened, it is entirely your fault."

The hobbit seemed to be confused and Thorin hated that look of him. It was bad enough that his body had to endure a halfling living in it, he didn't want his face to suffer from the hobbit's various facial expressions.

„No, that couldn't be true.." The hobbit mumbled. Great, now he also had to use his voice to mumble. The look on his face was now so desperate and lost that Thorin felt the urge to go and punch him in the nose, just to wipe those emotions off. He would rather have his nose broken than look like an idiot in trouble.

„What is the last thing you remember?" Thorin tried to sound patient.

„I, umm.." Great, the mumbling again. „I think I remember arguing with you or something. And then I guess I..." He trailed off.

„Yes?" By Mahal, he should be rewarded for not punching the hobbit.

„I think I might have.." Oh no, the apologetic look was even worse. Thorin begged for him to bring back the despair. „You know, walked into the forest."

Thorin thought that if steam wasn't coming out of his ears yet, then it wouldn't take long until it would. He felt like his head was going to explode. Well, the hobbit's head technically, but he was the one currently occupying it.

The hobbit continued in the meantime. „And then I think you did come after me. And then you threatened to carry me back here. And I tried to run away. And then I was falling and you caught me, and we collided into a tree." At that Thorin heard Kili chuckle and was grateful for Dwalin smacking him on the head, but not quite realising the reasoning behind it. He would find it out later.

„And then.." Thorin saw his face deep in thought. Well, there's an expression that is actually suited for a king. And as if just to annoy him, the expression went to triumphant and smiling. „And then there was that mist and everything went black!" The hobbit obviously thought he had won a prize or something.

Thorin had to do something to remedy that.

„So you do admit it was your fault?"

„What?!" The expression changed to anger and frustration. At least this was something familiar. „Nothing would have happened if you had left me to my own devices and hadn't come after me!"

„Yes, that would have been a good idea indeed, since you don't seem to even know how to stand on your own two feet without falling on your face!"

„Well, if you hadn't attempted to manhandle me, I would have made my own way back to the camp, thank you very much! And we wouldn't have bumped into that tree!"

„You are reckless and irresponsible! You should have considered that something bad could happen! We were warned, after all."

„And you should have let me be! I'm a grown-up hobbit and I make my own decisions." To add impact he puffed his chest out and put his hands on his hips. The sight of it almost made Thorin cry. Seeing his hobbit body get into that pose was amusing. But seeing himself, King under the mountain, Thorin Oakenshield standing with hands on his hips, chin raised and pouting proudly was beyond embarassing. And obviously he wasn't the only one to think so since a snicker could be heard here and there amogst the dwarves.

Thorin felt his temper rise above all limits and was about to start another round of yelling, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

„Come on now ...Thorin, there's no use in looking for someone to blame." Balin said calmly. Thorin looked at the dwarf and noted with annoyance that he had to tilt his head slightly. He was now the smallest in their group. He nodded in agreement and it took him every ounce of his self-control not to start yelling randomly at everybody.

„Yes. We should probably go and find that tree again. Come on now, show me where you found us!" He was surprised when his nephews burst into a fit of laughter, Dwalin and Bofur joining in soon after. Was there something he had missed? It had to be something extremely amusing to get Dwalin so excited. As he looked around the group suspiciously, his eyes settled on the hobbit, who had made Thorin's ears go red and was avoiding looking back at him. Maybe it was better if he didn't know.

With a sigh Thorin turned around and started walking in the direction where the hobbit had gone earlier. It was bad enough that the halfling tortured his face with his many annoying expressions and emotions, now he was also forcing blush on him? The dwarf hoped they could undo whatever this was soon, because he dreaded to think of what more embarassing moments would come if they didn't. Absent-mindedly he heard his own footsteps behind him.

* * *

**So, what'd you think? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**It took a little longer than I expected to get this chapter ready. But here it is, and I hope you enjoy it. And once again, thank you for showing your interest in this story, it means the world to me! :)**

* * *

**III**

Their day turned out to be a complete waste of time. They were able to find the tree right away, but that was where their success ended. They had inspected the tree from every possible angle and found nothing useful. Not that they knew what to look for anyway. Fili and Kili had been quite excited by the whole situation and their creativity had no limits. At first they gladly demonstraded the position in which they had found the two. That earned them a glare from their uncle, but since it came from the soft and hairless face of their hobbit, it didn't seem to impress them. Then they suggested that maybe shaking the tree would prove helpful. It didn't. The only thing that fell off the tree was a bird's nest that landed on Bofur's hat. The younger dwarves had broken into uncontrollable laughter and Bilbo felt the corners of his mouth twich as well, but didn't let the smile appear; Thorin was watching him like a hawk and the hobbit didn't know how much he could allow himself before Thorin exploded.

Kili then experienced a stroke of genius and offered them to act out the scene just like it had occured earlier in the morning. Thorin had shot him another glare, but since he didn't have any arguments as to why this wouldn't work, he only sagged his shoulders in surrender. They then proceeded to act the scene out, doing it exactly the way it happened previously – Bilbo pretending to fall, Thorin trying to catch him and ending it with both of them colliding into the tree. They both had difficulties with adjusting to their new bodies and Bilbo had ended up crashing into Thorin with more force than he intended to. He saw his own face scowl in pain.

„I'm sorry." He muttered, not being quite sure if he was apologizing for hurting Thorin or his own hobbit body. The only thing he received in response was another scowl.

Needless to say that acting the scene out with reversed roles didn't bring them any results either. They had both ended up on the ground when Thorin tripped over his unusually big feet and Bilbo acted on instinct and tried to catch him, only managing to trip over the boots that he was not used to. The whole situation earned them another roar of laughter from Fili and Kili. That was the end of Thorin's patience.

„That's it, you're dismissed." He said irritably, looking at his nephews. His words were accompanied by a glare from Bilbo, and the younger dwarves walked away with their hands raised in surrender, still giggling. „All of you, this is useless." Thorin added when no one else seemed to move.

The other dwarves quietky followed the young ones. When Bilbo made an attempt to walk away as well, he felt a hand on his arm. „Not you. I swear to Mahal, you are worse than a headless goblin." The hobbit saw Thorin roll his eyes. „This situation is your fault, so you don't get to leave me alone to sort it out."

Thorin then proceeded to walk around the tree as if checking it for something they might have missed earlier. Bilbo watched him curiously. He had to admit that Thorin's reaction, or rather lack of it, disturbed him. He couldn't quite tell what he had been expecting, but it clearly wasn't Thorin accepting the situation for what it was and trying to sort it out. Before he could stop himself, he heard his brain voice his thoughts.

„I'm quite surprised by your reaction, really." As the hobbit finished, he froze and felt his eyes widen. Bilbo gulped loudly and prepared for the wrath that was about to come. He noted with relief that no physical harm should come, since there was little damage his small hobbit body could bring upon Thorin's solid frame.

Thorin stopped circling around the tree and turned to face Bilbo.

„What vere you expecting then?" He asked through clenched teeth.

„I, um... I'm not quite sure. Just something more, I guess.." The hobbit found his mouth to be very dry right now.

„Do not mistake my lack of reaction for lack of caring, halfling."

Again Bilbo's brain seemed to be faster than him and he heard his new voice again. „I'm not really a halfling anymore, now am I?" That was meant to be a small way to lighten the mood, but the dwarf seemed unamused. Bilbo tried to remedy the situation by giving Thorin a nervous smile, but it only seemed to add fire to the other's eyes. The hobbit had never imagined that his own face could look so angry and menacing. Maybe Thorin was in fact the master of scaring everyone with his facial expressions? No matter who the face belonged to.

„You are still a hobbit and I am still a dwarf." Thorin hissed, emphasizing every word, and Bilbo felt as though he was shrinking in his size while Thorin made his little hobbit frame grow. „Just because I seem to be trapped in this useless body of yours it doesn't mean that I am going to behave like a damn hobbit." He spat the last word and Bilbo flinched in discomfort.

„And I would appreciate it if you stopped doing that." Thorin added with disgust.

„Doing what?" Bilbo asked, still trying to swallow the bile that had risen up his throat from Thorin's previous words.

„Making my face dance to the whims of your pathetic hobbit emotions."

„What do you mean?"

„You know exactly what I mean, burglar. It's not like you can hide anything that goes through that little brain of yours. I really hate my face having to suffer from your various emotions. So stop it."

„Well, it's not like you can control this, now is it?" Bilbo spat back, finally getting on the same wave with this own thoughts. „You think I like seeing my face scowling and glaring all the time? I get that your own face is probably used to the state of eternal discontent, but I don't really fancy getting wrinkles just because nothing ever seems to please you." He then stopped to take a breath before continuing. „And I'll try not to break your face by smiling too much, because heavens forbid if someone finds out that Thorin Oakenshield is not actually made of stone."

Bilbo finished with a huff and waited for a retort. He wasn't expecting Thorin to turn away and sit on a rock, gathering his head in his hands. The hobbit just stood there, not knowing what to do. He began shifting his weight from one leg to another, but stopped when a hiss came from the dwarf.

„You should go now, burglar. I am not in the mood for your stupid little epiphanies." When Bilbo made no attempt to move, he sighed and added. „If you stay, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to control myself. As much as I don't wish any harm upon my own body, I might in fact do something to hurt you. Not that your body could provide much strenght, but still. So, unless the reaction that you want from me is for me to punch you, you should probably just go away. Leave."

Bilbo was still not sure whether it was wise to leave Thorin in this state. His fury had turned into worry, both for the dwarf and his own hobbit body. But Thorin didn't seem to be in the mood of changing his decisions.

„I. Said. Leave. NOW!" Thorin shouted and the hobbit could not recognize his own voice anymore.

With a quiet sight Bilbo turned his back to the dwarf and began to walk away.

* * *

Thorin didn't remove hands from his face until he could no longer hear footsteps behind him. He then rubbed his eyes and let out a sigh. How had they managed to get themselves in a situation like this? He still blamed the hobbit and cursed his need to snoop around and ignore orders. His mind reminded him that their burglar wasn't technically obliged to obey him like his dwarves did; but he was on their quest, damnit, and had to be reasonable.

The logical and calm part of him told Thorin that he had to make peace with their current situation. Hopefully it was nothing permanent, and he also had to admit that from all the possible dangers that could've come onto them from this damn forest, this was actually not the worst one. Clearly, not the best one, either. And had he not been on a quest as important as this, he might have actually found the situation quite amusing. Of course, he would find it even more amusing had it not happened to him.

He could not let anything stop or slow him down in his mission to claim back his home. So he had to make the best out of the situation. He would have to get familiar with the body that he now occupied. He was a leader and couldn't allow this to change anything.

With a sigh he stood up and for the first time since he had woken up in this body, he actually paid attention to it. His new bare feet disturbed him a little, he had always wondered how the hobbit could walk on all kind of grounds without being bothered by rocks or anything else, but now he realised that these feet apparently were made for walking. He was merely bothered by what was beneath his feet, yet he was very aware of what he was standing on. As of now he was standing on a fallen branch, and while he could feel every crevice and every bump on it, it didn't make him uncomfortable. And Thorin had to admit that having such sensitive feet could prove to be useful while walking, especially in the dark.

The body seemed to be quite comfortable to be walking around in, but it was suddenly painfully obvious to Thorin how lightly the hobbit was clothed. Dressed in simple breeches and thin cotton shirt, he was very surprised that the halfling hadn't caught a cold yet. And that stubborn little thing had never even bothered to ask for an extra quilt or anything. Thorin was sure that he must have been freezing during the nights, and yet he never showed it. He wasn't sure whether to admire the hobbit for his lack of whining or to curse him for his recklesness. The latter did seem more appealing.

Thorin then realised that every muscle in this new body ached. He was painfully aware of every move he made, since they all seemed to cause him discomfort. And he couldn't remember the dumb little thing complaining about this lately. The long walking must be exausting for a creature like him. His dwarvish body wasn't that easily affected by long walks or heavy bags, it was designed for hard work and didn't grow tired. This body, however, seemed to be designed for lounging on soft cushions and eating five times a day, with an occassional cup of tea thrown in here and there.

As much as he didn't want to, Thorin had to admit that continuing their journey in this body will probably prove to be a challenge. But he was a dwarf and a king, and would not in any way show that this bothered him. He had to get back to his dwarves and show them that their leader was still able to lead them. With another sigh he let his delicate hobbit hand slide through his hair. It seemed to be longer that it had been when he first met the halfling. He thought to himself that he should perhaps braid it; the burglar had once mentioned that amongst hobbits only females had the tendency to braid their hair. Thorin smirked to himself. Yes, that would make the halfling utterly happy. And it would serve him right, having Thorin's face go through the trouble of displaying his hobbit emotions. Still feeling the smirk on his face he started his way back to the camp.

* * *

Bilbo took his time walking back to the others. He had not meant to provoke Thorin into a fight, he just wanted not to feel alone in this situation. He was also sure that it wasn't his fault entirely that they found themselves in their current situation, but knew Thorin well enough to know that the dwarf would sooner start smiling and acting like a hobbit than admit to it. Bilbo guessed that this probably won't stop Thorin from moving forward. Even though this was quite a developement, he doubted that Thorin would allow it to matter. Being the stubborn sod that he was, he would keep them going even if it meant that he himself would be trapped in a body of a hobbit. And a hobbit would be living in his.

Bilbo then turned his attention to the way it felt to be in a body of a dwarf. As he had noted earlier, his extremities seemed to be too long and quite difficult to operate, but now he found that they were apparently made out of pure muscle. While he had wondered before how Thorin was able to move in his many layers of clothing, now it hardly caught his attention, this dwarvish body apparently was used to carrying such weight. His movements were smooth and easy, and once he got used to having leather boots instead of his usual bare feet, Bilbo discovered that it felt quite comfortable. He did prefer his bare hobbit feet, though, but still it was nice not to feel every little thing under his steps for a change.

Wondering how strong Thorin really was, the hobbit stopped and made an attempt to lift a rock that was laying nearby. It turned out to be quite easy and Bilbo ended up almost flinging it over his shoulder since he had picked it up with much more force that necessary. He put the rock down realising that his hobbit body would probably be able to do nothing more than roll it. Down from a hill. If he ever tried picking it up as his hobbit self, he would probably give himself a hernia. Or a broken spine. He suddenly appreciated how relatively easy Thorin had accepted this; having to switch from this hard and strong body to soft and pretty much useless hobbit one couldn't be pleasant in any way. Absent-mindedly Bilbo wondered if there would be anything that the dwarf would find to be pleasing in a body of a hobbit.

As far as he was aware, he couldn't find any flaw in Thorin. Well, apart from his hair. Hobbits always kept their hair nice and short, and though Bilbo's hair had grown quite a bit since he started this journey, he had still a long way to go to catch up with Thorin. The hobbit knew he was holding his neck too straight and too rigid, but he didn't really know how else to move around without having a mouthful of hair. How did Thorin manage to fight with his hair flailing around like this was a mystery to him.

Bilbo didn't even notice that he was already back on the path and was now walking towards the group. If Thorin's sense of smell wasn't lying to him, the dwarves had apparently taken it up to themselves to decide that a meal was in order. He then saw Bombur and Bofur sitting next to a small fire, apparently warming up some food for them. As he walked closer, it seemed as though every single one of the dwarves was keen to ignore him. He wasn't sure if this was their usual reaction to Thorin or just to him in Thorin's body.

The hobbit then saw Kili walking up to him with curiosity in those bright eyes. He was apparently trying to figure out who was it in the body of his uncle. Bilbo tried to give him the usual glare of Thorin, but failed miserably since the younger dwarf's lips turned into a wide smile.

„Master Baggins, how nice of you to join us!" He exclaimed excitingly and stopped in his tracks, not quite sure if he should come closer. „We took the liberty to make ourselves a meal since the two of you seemed to be otherwise, um, how should I put this? Preoccupied?" Kili suggested with a wink.

Bilbo felt heat creep up his neck and tried very hard not to let it reach his cheeks. He doubted that Thorin would appreciate him blushing in front of his nephews. He sighed and moved to find a spot to sit down, hoping that the dwarf would let him be. But luck appeared not to be loving him today, he noted with annoyance when Kili followed him. Luck and Dwalin both, the hobbit added in his head when his eyes landed on Dwalin who was eyeing him suspiciously.

„Look, Kili, I know this is amusing to you and all, but could you maybe just leave me alone?" Bilbo said quickly and a thought crossed his mind. Gandalf would probably find this amusing as well. Had he heard of something like this happening in Mirkwood? Was this supposed to be one of the amusing things?

He sighed and looked at Kili again. „Please?" The young dwarf looked lost for a moment, probably not used to hearing that word leave his uncle's lips. Bilbo tried the glare again.

Kili smiled and barked out a laugh. „Fine, master hobbit. But only because this is a special day for you. Be ready for some fun tomorrow." And with another wink he rushed back to sit by his brother's side. Both of them put their heads together immediately and started whispering, adding an occasional giggle here and there.

Bilbo chose a spot few feet away from everybody else. He leaned against a tree and closed his eyes, hoping that he was looking majectic and unreachable, just like Thorin always did. The hobbit wasn't up to chatting with anyone right now. His only wish was to fall asleep and wake up the next morning to find out that this had only been a dream.

He felt his consciousness start slipping away as he dozed off when the sound of his own voice jerked him back to reality.

„Burglar!" Bilbo opened his eyes to see Thorin striding into the light of the fire and was taken aback by how majestic and important Thorin could look even in a body of a hobbit. If the Shire had a king, Thorin would be him. Hell, Bilbo was sure if Thorin strode into the Shire looking and holding himself the way he was doing it now, hobbits would coronate him immediately. This would probably be the one and only time he saw such a royal-looking hobbit, Bilbo thought to himself.

Thorin had reached him by now and was looking down on him. It was so obvious that he was enjoying the fact that he didn't have to be looking up, and Bilbo felt an incredible urge to stand up and make him tilt his head. Despite his worry, he was still quite annoyed with the dwarf for his earlier words, and having the dwarven king look up to speak to him would definitely lift his mood. And teach that bastard a lesson. Never mess with a hobbit. Especially if you are trapped in that hobbit's body and the hobbit is occupying yours.

„Where is that toothpick you call a sword?" Thorin asked, and Bilbo flinched, still not being used to his voice sounding so harsh.

He didn't bother answering, settling for pointing towards the sword with his hand.

Thorin mumbled something in response and moved to find it. When he had the sword in his hand he eyed it with judgement clear in his eyes. With an unimpressed sigh he attached it to his waist and tuned to speak to Dwalin.

„I am going to look ahead. We probably won't be able to move today, but we are starting early tomorrow." He then turned to address everyone. „So you better get enough sleep. And put that fire out as soon as you're done with preparing food."

Apparently Thorin had chosen the tactic of pretending that everything was just fine and nothing had changed. And since he was able to make his hobbit self look so important, no one even attempted to question him. The dwarves simply nodded in response, and Dwalin was the only one to speak.

„Do you need me to go with you?" He asked, obviously not sure if he should allow their leader to be alone in this forest in a body of a hobbit.

Thorin looked as though he was going to scream at Dwalin for suggesting something this stupid, but soon a look of annoyed surrended took place and he nodded. With another glare at Bilbo Thorin took off, Dwalin trailing close behind.

Great, Bilbo thought; he must get used to receiving those special looks. He should perhaps prepare a look just for Thorin as well. Let him taste his own medicine. He would teach Thorin's face how to smile like a hobbit. Maybe throw in two rows of teeth as well, for when the dwarf was extremely annoying. He could actually start practicing right now.

That earned him a weird glare from Oin and Bilbo stopped. Perhaps it would be wiser to do this in private. He tried smiling normally back at the dwarf, and got an even weirder look in response. There he was, Bilbo Baggins, confuser of older dwarves and annoyer of their kings. And to think that he once used to be a respectable hobbit.

A quick thought made him freeze. What if this proved to be permanent? He was sure that Thorin wouldn't let something this unimportant keep him away from the throne, and he would easily rule the dwarves from that little hobbit body. Bilbo then imagined himself back in Bag End. His neighbours would be delighted to live next to Bilbo Baggins, the dwarf. 'Good morning, mister Baggins!' would say no hobbit ever. But at least this would keep the Sackville-Baginses away from his silverware.

Bilbo closed his eyes once again. He sure hoped that this would be reversible. He would kiss Gollum on the mouth if that helped him get back into his own body.

* * *

Thorin and Dwalin returned when the fire was out and most of their company were fast asleep. Apart from Bilbo, who had spent the last hour trying to figure out a way for him to continue living his previous life in a new body, only Fili and Kili were awake. Apparently the events of the day had been very exciting for the two, and they couldn't stop babbling. Thorin hissed at them and made them quiet.

He then approached Bilbo.

„Go to sleep. We are starting early tomorrow." He proceeded to fold out his bedroll and prepared himself for sleep.

Noting that Bilbo hadn't moved, he sighed. „I am not going to repeat myself."

Reluctantly Bilbo stood up, gathered his belongings and without a word started looking for a spot. When he found an acceptable spot a few feet away from Bofur, he moved in that direction. A hiss from Thorin stopped him.

„Where do you thing you're going?"

„To sleep?" Bilbo answered carefully.

He was sure Thorin was very tempted to yell at him, he cold see a vein pulsating on his forehead. Bilbo was sure it was new there. So Thorin was taking liberties to make offensive blood vessels appear on his face? „You are not going anywhere, burglar." Apparently seeing confusion on his own face, he continued. „I am not having my body sleeping somewhere far away. You are to sleep here, next to me, in case something happens during the night."

Bilbo was about to say that the only thing that would probably happen would be himself snuggling up to Thorin. He wasn't sure that his hobbit instincts were with him in his new body, but he wasn't too eager to find out. Plus, if these instincts weren't here with him, they were in his hobbit body with Thorin, and the result would be the same.

„I, um, I don't think this is a very good idea." He mumbled.

„I don't recall asking for your opinion." Thorin simply stated. „Now lay down before I make you."

Bilbo wanted to ask exactly how he was planning on owerpowering something bigger than him, but Thorin had apparently seen the question in his eyes and before he knew it, quick pain shot through the back of his legs and Bilbo found himself on his knees, barely stopping himself from falling on his face.

„Don't think I've never had to take care of someone bigger than me." Thorin smirked. „Now sleep." With these words he laid down and turned his back to Bilbo. That bastard. Well, we'll see how he likes waking up snuggling with himself.

Bilbo laid down as well, moving closer to Thorin than it was neccessary. He could almost imagine how furious the dwarf will be when he wakes up being embraced by Bilbo. Or better, if he ends up possessing the hobbit's need of sleeping close to something. Yes, that would be very nice indeed; having Thorin Oakenshield cling to his own body just because his new body wanted to. Bilbo closed his eyes and let a wide smile play on his lips, silently hoping that Thorin would choose this moment to look at him and see the hobbit torture his lips like this. He decided then and there that this would be his special look for Thorin. If the dwarf insisted on being a pain in the ass, the hobbit was sure he could keep up. Finally feeling at ease, Bilbo let sleep claim him.

* * *

**This chapter turned out a little darker than I had expected. But things can't always be sunny, right? :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**So hey! I really owe an apology to those who started reading this story, wanted to see it continued and waited for updates. I could say that I didn't have any time to write, or blame lack of inspiration or find a gazillion of other excuses, but the truth is - I simply couldn't bring myself to sit down and write. But the story never left my mind. And today I finally sat my ass down and started writing. And it just started flowing, and I'm quite happy with the result. And I hope you will be, too. So, once again-sorry to all of you, who reviewed, favorited and followed. I'll do my best not to disappoint you this time. And thank you, if you are still reading! It means a lot to me to know that someone cares for this :)**

* * *

**IV**

„Blast it!" Bilbo muttered under his breath when he tripped over his boots once again. He had lost count of the times that had happened, it was obvious to the hobbit that his new feet hated him. He couldn't help but wonder if some of Thorin's stubborness had stayed in the dwarf's body and was now causing Bilbo trouble. On the bright side, it had to be at least a couple of hours since the hobbit had last landed on his face. He was obviously getting better at controlling Thorin's movements and if he was lucky enough maybe tomorrow would be a day with zero cases of clumsiness for him.

He sighed quietly to himself and looked ahead where his companions were walking properly. When they first started today's journey the company had awkwardly stopped and waited on Bilbo every time he tripped, caught his hair on some low hanging branch or did something just as clumsy. And each time Bilbo felt the tips of his ears go red as he avoided looking at Thorin, preferably not catching sight of other dwarves either. He already knew what he would see there and had absolutely no need to get a remainder of how much the dwarven prince was annoyed and his subjects - confused.

After a few hours of painful embarrassment Thorin had apparently had enough and ordered everyone to keep on walking without stopping even if their burglar happened to trip. The dwarves complied gladly, but Bilbo still received a glance from them every once in a while. To be more specific, one pair of eyes shot him looks of annoyance, two young and sparkling sets of eyes kept winking at him, and occasionally older but just as mischievous brown eyes joining in their amusement. Then there was the very unsettling stare from underneath a bald head that made the hobbit straighten up every single time, as a shiver ran down his spine. The rest of the looks he received were mostly confused and worried.

Yes, worry was something he could relate to. This morning Bilbo had woken up with a small hope that their previous day had been just a bad dream. He had tried to keep his eyes closed as long as possible, clinging to that little ray of hope, as his mind became more and more aware of the fact that it was real. Very real.

Just as real as the warm, familiar body he felt curled up against him. Relucantly he had cracked one eye open to look down at the mop of sandy hair. Apparently his hobbity instincts had won and in his sleep Thorin had snuggled up to the solid body next to him. Or maybe he simply was cold; Bilbo remembered their first night in the forest and how chilly it had been to sleep. He had felt a sharp pang of guilt in his chest at the thought of Thorin being cold just because Bilbo hadn't packed warmer clothes.

As he had started wondering if there was any way he could evade Thorin's stubborness and coax him into borrowing something from one of the dwarves, he had felt the little body beside him stir. Only now did the hobbit notice that he had draped an arm around that particular body. He had hastily loosened his arm, quietly trying to decide which would be worse – Thorin waking up to Bilbo holding him or Kili waking up to see them both cuddled up. In one case he would have to endure some partly deserved shouting, in the other there would be no escape from suggestive wiggling of eyebrows. In their current situation, he almost preferred the shouting.

But luck seemed to be on his side this morning, since Thorin awoke fastly and only dedicated one glare and a quiet grumble to the hobbit, before getting up hastily and obviously being very keen on ignoring their closeness. The dwarf appeared to be quick to wake up and regain his wits, while Bilbo was still blinking remnants of sleep out of his eyes, Thorin was already up and about, waking everyone up and urging them to pack their bags.

That had been a weird morning. The other dwarves seemed to have had the same idea as Bilbo – that this had merely been a dream they had all somehow shared and in the morning everything and everyone would be back to their proper places. And so they all had had the reality laughing in their faces when they recognized authoritative commands of their king being delivered in the voice of their burglar. So they had all shared a collective sigh and started packing their bags.

Of course there were two faces who hadn't seemed too disappointed. Every mischievious look from Thorin's nephews Bilbo took as a sign that he would get in trouble with those two. His only hope was that Thorin would manage to keep them in line, since he himself had yet to master the dwarf's mighty glare.

Bilbo was brought from his musings when he absend mindedly walked into solid back of the only member of their company that was still taller than him. He was revarded with another _I-really-don't-like-you_ look from Dwalin and with a sigh took a tentative look at Thorin.

It was still creepy to see such royal determination in his hobbity posture, and yet he couldn't help but admire Thorin for it. The situation they had found themselves in was less than desirable and Thorin's strong will to carry on no matter what surprised him. Not that he had doubted the dwarf's strenght of character earlier, but this was something new entirely. Had he been left in this situation on his own, Bilbo would have probably sat down in a corner with his head in his hands, trying not to panic. Or he would throw all restrictions out and simply start running around like a headless chicken, since that described just how confused he was.

Thorin met his gaze with narrowed eyes, and Bilbo once again wondered if that would get him wrinkles. He wasn't the youngest of hobbits, after all.

„We make camp here." Thorin stated, and there was quiet rumble of appreciation from the dwarves. „We have not covered enough ground today, but I don't deem it wise to continue in our current situation."

Bilbo was sure 'the situation' was him struggling with his new footwear, and had to bite his tongue to keep himself from snapping back. It had been quite some time without a 'situation', so Thorin shouldn't blame him. Absently the hobbit wondered if the dwarven king was simply tired, since he knew his hobbit body well and was aware of how sore it would become after hours of non-stop walking.

The thought made him feel better, and he allowed a small smile to appear on his lips. That, of course, earned him a glare from Thorin, but Balin who had also been looking at Bilbo, shot him a reassuring smile. That would have to do, the hobbit thought. A smile always outweighed a glare.

They started their routine of unpacking and preparing dinner. Since it was still relatively light, as light as Mirkwood would get, Thorin had allowed Oin and Gloin to build a small fire. The idea itself warmed Bilbo. He quietly chose a remote spot for himself and deposited Thorin's bag against a tree. In the morning they had decided to carry each other's things, since those were more suited for their current size and weight.

The hobbit took a nervous look around. Somehow he now felt alone and worried. While they had been walking he had been to preoccupied with watching his step to notice that he was walking alone. Apparently their current situation discouraged the dwarves from keeping him company. Not that they were too talkative before, but still he was used to share some words with Bofur and catch an occasional bizarre smile from Bifur.

He sighed and looked around to find a place to sit. Bilbo doubted that they would let him help with dinner preparitions in his new body. It would probably freak Bombur out to see their fearess leader chopping some potatoes for the stew.

And so he prepared himself for some quiet alone time, as he watched Thorin's and Dwalin's retreating backs when the two went to check their surroundings. But the hobbit had underestimated the two younger Durins who managed to sneak up behind him and now appeared on every side of him. Apparently the absence of their uncle did wonders for their daring.

Bilbo almost managed to keep the surprised yelp inside of him when he hear a low whisper beside his left ear.

„So, _uncle_ Bilbo." Kili was obviously trying to suppress his laughter. „Tell your your own flesh and blood about how this dwarven body is treating you."

„Yes, _do_ tell." Fili mirrored his brother's whisper on Bilbo's left. „Apart from all the tripping and trying to beat Radagast with your hairdo," the blonde dwarf said as he removed what appeared to be a stick tangled in Bilbo's new hair and held it before his eyes with a smirk, „how does it feel to be a dwarf."

„Do you _like_ it?"

„What about all the muscles?"

„And how do you feel about boots?"

„If you ignore the fact that they keep trying to make you sweep the floor with your beard."

„Your _new_ beard."

„Yeah, can hobbits even _grow_ a beard?"

„If you must know, no, they.. I mean, _we_ cannot." Bilbo threw an annoyed glare at both brothers who were now crouching in front of him. „But to think of it, it's not just us _hobbits_ who are unable to do so." He added, looking at Kili with a smirk.

„Oh, look who is already catching up on dwarven ways of teasing!" Fili laughed, slapping a hand on his brother's shoulder who simply scratched his chin and pretended to be hurt.

„Low blow, uncle Bilbo, low blow..." The younger Durin sniffed and pretended to wipe a tear away. „I would never deem you being so cruel. For us dwarves grooming of hair is very important." Kili leaned in closer and Bilbo flinched back. „_Very _sensitive."

Upon seeing the apology and guilt in Bilbo's look the younger dwarf laughed and his eyes sparkled with mischief. „I mean, you don't hear us making fun of _your_ chosen hairstyle."

„You just compared me to _Radagast_." Bilbo hissed.

„Oh, that was just light teasing." Fili chimed in. „An ice breaker, if you will. But we would never.."

„Never ever.."

„Say anything _bad_ about another dwarf's hair."

„No matter where said hair is located." Kili added with a grin that became even wider when Bilbo felt his cheeks grow warm.

„I.. um.. My.. This hair is fine." The hobbit tried to add some dignity to his voice, but the looks on brother's faces told him that he had failed. Oh well.

„It's difficult, guys. I mean, it's so much _hair_." He whispered desperately.

„Oh, yes, we are some hairy folk, indeed." Fili said with a chuckle.

„And you know it's not just the head, right?" Kili added, barely holding himself back from bursting into laughter.

„Oh, come on now, little brother, no need to make uncle blush so bright."

„He mentioned my beard, he had it coming."

„Yeah, okay, I get it, but can we get back to the problem?" Bilbo tried to keep his voice from trembling and his ears from flushing. These two would be the death of him. „What do I _do_ about this?" He gestured to his hair.

Both brothers looked at each other as if not quite knowing what to say.

„What is it?" The hobbit asked. Judging by the look of them he would have guessed that keeping a dwarf's hair in good shape would require washing said hair in spit of a unicorn or something just as bizarre. „_What?_" He repeated impatiently when Thorin's heirs still failed to answer.

„Well, you see, for us grooming of one's hair.." Fili started slowly.

„No matter where said hair is located." Kili repeated again with the grin. Bilbo simply rolled his eyes.

„Yes, Kili, thank you for your input." The older brother said with slight irritation, as if he wanted to get the sentence out as soon as possible. „As I said, grooming of one's hair is quite, well, intimate."

Upon receiving a confused look in response, he sighed and tried to clarify. „I mean, have you seen any of us running around with a comb?"

When Bilbo shook his head, he continued. „See. And yet we are always pretty and dashing, aren't we?" Fili said with a wink.

„So what you're saying is I should hide in a bush to comb my hair?"

„What we are saying, master _dwarf_, is that you should probably ask Thorin." Kili said quite loudly.

„Ask me what exacly?" A very familiar voice rumbled from a few feet away. It had already gotten pitch dark, but Bilbo didn't need to see to know who's voice that was. It sent shivers through him to hear Thorin master his own hobbity vocal cords to bring out such velvety richness. Bilbo had never never been able to do that. He couldn't even do it with Thorin's voice, and it was practically a gimme.

„Oh, nothing." Kili sprung up to his feet and dragged his brother away with him before Thorin could ask again. Dwarves and their weird touchiness with their hair, Bilbo thought annoyingly. Now this only added to his list of disatvantages of being a dwarf.

„Ask me what, burglar?" Thorin repeated his question again, coming forward and placing his belongings next to where Bilbo was sat. Great, another night of snuggling ahead. Maybe he could convince the dwarf to take his fur coat as an extra blanket?

„Well, um.." But before the hobbit managed to answer, there was a call from Bombur that dinner was ready.

Unwilling to get into the subject now, mostly because he didn't know how to approach it, Bilbo jumped to his feet surprisingly easy and moved towards the fire. This ease of moving was certainly taking a spot on the list of advantages.

Dinner was quiet and awkward. No matter how much they tried to ignore it, their current situation seemed to affect everyone. That annoyed Thorin and he dismissed them to sleep shortly after the fire had died. Bilbo wasn't surprised when the company followed gladly. Apparently it would take them some time to get used to this 'situation'.

With another sigh, he had already lost count of them, the hobbit moved to where his sleeping belongings were. It meant closer contact with Thorin, but he couldn't avoid him for too long. And the hobbit had still to decide on how to ask the dwarf about his hair, because he would no doubtedly bring the subject up, rather sooner than later.

„Ask me about what, master Baggins?" Thorin didn't disappoint, Bilbo had to give him that.

Deciding that he didn't have much to lose, the hobbit simply went for it. He was too tired to think of polite ways anyway.

„It's my hair. I mean your hair. I mean _this _hair." He said gesturing at his head.

When Thorin simply kept staring at him, Bilbo grit his teeth and continued.

„What I mean, is that this hair," he gestured to his head again, „it's crazy. I mean, how do you keep it looking good?" The hobbit would be lying if he said that he didn't enjoy the way Thorin shifted uncomfortably.

Bilbo felt a smirk creep onto his face. That's right, he could still have the upper hand. It was nice to see someone else get embarrassed for a change. Well, as embarrassed as Thorin _could_ get, that is. He should enjoy the moment while it lasted.

„So?" The hobbit said smugly, smirk still playing on his lips.

Thorin looked up, and upon seeing his burglar smirking, his expression changed and he brought out a smirk of his own.

„Well, master burglar, you ought to take care of it. I am taking good care of your appearance, aren't I?" He said with a raised eyebrow. Another look that Bilbo wasn't used to see on his own face.

„Yes, but, well... um.. „ He stopped talking when he heard Thorin growl. So now he was growling, too?

„What is it?" Bilbo asked annoyingly.

„Don't. Stutter." The dwarf rasped through clenched teeth.

Bilbo glared at the king.

„Well, the hair thing appears to be quite a touchy subjects with you lot, you excuse me for not knowing how to ask you about it without pissing you off!" Mission not accomplished, the hobbit thought bitterly to himself.

„It's just hair." Thorin said, still sounding annoyed, making it obvious that it's most definitely _not_ just hair. „You hobbits and your domestic ways, I'm sure you know how to take care of one's hair."

„Actually, the best way I know is to cut it."

Bilbo was sure he actually saw Thorin pale at this. His hobbity eyes went round. It was too much to try and keep a chuckle in, so Bilbo let it out. That seemed to wake the dwarf from whatever stupor he had found himself in.

„Come here!"He said, getting up and moving around the tree that he had been leaning on.

Bilbo followed. Thorin walked a couple feet further, then stopped next to a fallen tree.

„Sit down." He said, gesturing to the tree.

„Why here?"

„Well, the hair is a touchy subject, you said it yourself." The dwarf said with a sigh. His voice seemed to be calmer now. Bilbo wondered if he had accidentally wandered across a way to keep Thorin Oakenshield in line. Threaten to cut his hair?

With a small chuckle he obeyed and sat down.

„If you are planning on using my hair as bait, I have to disappoint you, master Baggins." Thorin said as he moved behind Bilbo and started untangling his hair. His touch was surprisingly soft and felt nice. „I do believe I have a few ways to blackmail you, too. So I wouldn't suggest getting you hopes up." Without even seeing his face, Bilbo knew the bastard was smirking. And yet he had to wonder what Thorin meant..

„I mean, you are quite _fond_ of your hobbit feet, are you not? And everything that comes _with_ the feet." He stilled his movements and leaned closer to whisper in his ear. „Just because we don't do it, doesn't mean we dwarves don't know how to _shave_." Thorin hissed the last word and Bilbo felt his insides churn while his frame shuddered. He dismissed the idea of it being because of their closeness, and blamed the feelings on Thorin's threat to shave his legs. Bastard.

„You forget sometimes that I raised Fili and Kili. I know my way around blacmailers." The dwarf was back to moving his hands through his hair.

Bilbo huffed and decided to change the subject. It would probably benefit them both to move away from razors.

„What is it with you and hair?" Was the first thing that came to mind. Didn't go too far, huh.

„It's always been this way." Thorin's answer was simple.

„So what, no one else touches it?"

„Basically, yes."

„But you are touching your hair now, and you are not you." Bilbo blurted out. „I mean, those are my hobbity hands."

„Yes, I would rather be doing this alone."

Well, isn't the bastard subtle.

„I can go, if you want to." Was the only response that came.

„Funny." Thorin's tone was gruff, but when he moved to stand in front of Bilbo, apparently being finished with straightening the hair and starting on the braids on the sides, the hobbit saw that his face wasn't his usual mask of annoyance. It seemed calm and concentrated. And Bilbo couldn't even describe his deligh when he saw the angry vein to be gone.

He allowed himself to watch his own hobbit face concentrated at work. It was surreal, seeing himself, yet knowing that it wasn't him. The features were familiar, but the dwarf inside those features made them look completely different. And Bilbo had to admit that he quite enjoyed that look.

The hobbit shook his head. Bilbo Baggins, admiring his own looks. How vain. But it was either him admiring his own features or admiring Thorin, and he wasn't quite sure which he preferred.

„Done." Thorin's whisper brought Bilbo back from his musings and he found himself looking into his own eyes. No, _Thorin's_ eyes. That was a look that belonged to Thorin and Thorin alone. No matter whose eyes held it. And the hobbit couldn't bring himself to look away. Neither did Thorin.

The dwarf eventually was the first to notice that they were still staring at each other, and with a quick clearing of his throat he left and went back to their company.

„Yeah. Sleep. Right."Bilbo muttered to himself, realizing that he _definitely_ enjoyed the sight of Thorin in his body.

With a shake of his head he walked back to the camp.

* * *

**So... Maybe leave a teeny-tiny review if you're not too pissed off with me? ;)  
Oh, and sorry for all the mistakes, it is quite late and I have no energy to read it one more time..**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for reading, following this story and adding it to your favorites. My special thanks go out to _The Triangle Prone_, _guren666_ and _EyesFullofMoon - _thank you for taking time to review, every review cheers me up big time! :) Hope you keep enjoying this with me!**

* * *

**V**

During the next couple of days they fell into a routine. Bilbo could almost say it was a comfortable one, but he was reluctant to call anything that involved Thorin _comfortable_. While the dwarf seemed to have gotten a good grip of the situation and was using it to his advantage, he still didn't ignore an opportunity to show Bilbo how he really felt about this.

As if the hobbit was enjoying their current situation. Sure, it felt good to occupy a bigger, stronger body; the rocky and uneven paths of Mirkwood were definitely more difficult to walk on for a hobbit, but it was almost nothing for the solid body of Thorin. But still, given all the advantages, Bilbo desperately wanted his normal, little and fragile hobbit body back. Even if it meant the walking would be more tiresome and hard, he would rather be struggling as himself. A true hobbit would never give up being a hobbit if such a chance presented itself. In his case he was never asked for an oppinion, Bilbo thought to himself sourly. But then again, he wasn't really a hobbit anymore, now was he? And he didn't just mean the body he was currently occupying; his actions were far from hobbity.

He had to wonder – what would his answer be if he was asked whether he would like to be a dwarf for a while. His old self would make a face and disapproval and close the door in front of anyone who would ask him such a ridiculous question. His present self, however, would probably take some time to think about it.

The opportunity itself seemed amazing, Bilbo was sure that not many creatures in Middle Earth were given such a chance. He had never heard of such thing happening, and there was one thing he knew about hobbits – even if they weren't the most eager folk to participate in adventures, they sure didn't mind hearing stories about them. And he would bet his own hairy feet (or leather boots, since those feet were currently Thorin's) that he would have heard some tales of horror from his older cousins. They would never let go of an opportunily to scare young Bilbo with stories of how misbehaving little hobbits would sometimes find themselves trapped in a body of some troll.

Yes, he had never heard of that. But then again, not many hobbits (none, most likely) had ever went for a walk through Mirkwood. On some level Bilbo Baggins felt proud that he had been the first one to do so. On every other level he dreaded to go back home and face all the reactions from his neighbors and relatives. Well, maybe he won't make it back. Right about now he couldn't even tell if he minded or not. He would gladly give his life to save each and every one of his companions. He had already proved that to everybody, and more importantly – to himself when he had stood between Thorin's unconscious body and a pack of orcs. It had been fine then, but would (and could he even) take such liberties with Thorin's body? A small voice in his head told him that Thorin wouldn't care too much if his dwarven meat suit died in battle, but Bilbo still knew he couldn't take such liberties with something that wasn't his. And he surely hoped that Thorin would give his body the same treatment and wouldn't go off and die a supposedly honorable death from a blade of some orc.

Of course, Bilbo had no way of knowing what went on in Thorin's mind. It's not like they sat down for a chat every now and then. Yes, the dwarf king still slept next to him every night, and every morning the hobbit had to wake up being closer to him than he had been when falling asleep. Bilbo had somehow managed to convince Thorin to take his fur coat during the night, so that helped with the whole cuddling situation. It was either that Thorin wasn't cold anymore and didn't need Bilbo's body heat, or that the coat was too heavy for a hobbit body to move under, but the positive thing was – no more snuggling. The hobbit didn't really care for the reasons, in this case he appreciated the results.

And, yes, they still went away from the rest of their company every night to braid and comb Bilbo's hair. The hobbit had gotten pretty good at not tangling it up during the day, so these little hairstyling moments were getting shorter and shorter. At some point Bilbo actually thought that he should maybe get his hair all crazy and tangled, just so that Thorin would have to spend more time tending to it. He couldn't quite explain why, but the hobbit wanted to spend more time alone with the dwarven king. His explanation to himself as to why was simple – he just wanted to spend more time with his own body, because he missed it. And seeing Thorin in it wasn't too bad either.

Thorin also never ignored an opportunity to let out an exasperated sigh or a grunt, sometimes combined with a special kind of glare, when he knew that Bilbo could hear or see him. The hobbit tried to meet that with a glare of his own, but that rarely cought Thorin's attention. The bastard was good at shooting glances and looking away quickly. Sometimes Bilbo's glare would be seen by some other dwarf, and their reactions were totally worth Thorin missing it. Bofur was always boldly meeting his look, sometimes sending the hobbit a wink or toothy smile before coming over and starting a conversation. That was the thing he most liked about the dwarf, he wasn't easily intimidated and didn't hesitate to come over and talk, even when Bilbo was wearing the looks of his king.

Dori and Nori would usually look away quickly, not quite sure what to do. Their younger brother Ori would simply ignore looking at him, and Bilbo had to admit that his tactics were the most effective. No looking, no seeing. No seeing, no need to react. Although once the young dwarf had accidentally bumped into the hobbit while walking on a narrow path, and Bilbo was afraid for a moment that he might have given Ori a stroke.

Bifur seemed to be at ease, and every time he met Bilbo's gaze, the dwarf would shoot him a smile, often accompanied with a sentence in Khuzdul. The hobbit tried to smile back and nod, and apparently he was doing a good job since Bifur would give an approving grunt and continue walking with what seemed to be restored energy. Bombur's reactions were most variable. After some time Bilbo learned that they obviously depended on whether the dwarf was hungry or not. It was almost like having his very own walking clock. If Bombur shot him a wide smile and sometimes even a wave of hand, it meant that they had eaten not so long ago and would keep on walking for hours on end. If the dwarf seemed annoyed and looked at him through narrowed eyes, it meant that they had eaten quite some time ago, but would not stop for at least a couple more hours. It was when Bombur's face became lethargic and he dragged his feet behind him slower and slower, that Bilbo knew it was time for them to stop. Thorin didn't disappoint, and ususally a couple minutes later there was a call from their leader to set up camp. That gave Bombur his energy back as he quickly began preparing dinner. Yes, two meals a day was what they could afford, nothing more than that. And even with such economy, their provisions shrunk faster than any of them would want them to.

Oin and Gloin were pretty ignorant about Bilbo, they simply met his look, held it for a moment, then looked away. Their reactions were the least fun for the hobbit. The most fun was Dwalin. The first time he had caught Bilbo glaring, the dwarf had had to do a double take. The hobbit had chuckled at that, which had caused Dwalin to look again, a hint of surprise in his eyes. From then on Bilbo didn't look away from Dwalin, his reactions proved to be quite entertaining. Sometimes it was pure rage, and Bilbo could swear he could see steam coming out of his ears, sometimes it was annoyance, which was nothing new. And one time it was what the hobbit translated as appreciation when Dwalin caught him staring disapprovingly into Kili's back after the young dwarf had tried to trip him up. Apparently, he had mastered some of the dwarven king's emotions.

Balin was simply meeting his glare with a knowing smile. Bilbo couldn't quite tell if he was comforted or annoyed by that. He also had to wonder if this was how Balin looked at Thorin, and if he did, then how did Thorin cope with it.

Then, of course, there were Fili and Kili. Their usual reaction was bursting into laughter, but once Kili, who had been deep in thought and for a moment had apparently forgotten who it was in the body of his unce, had stumbled over his own feet and would have landed on his face in a puddle had it not been for his giggling brother catching him. Bilbo took great pleasure and pride in that fact. The two younger dwarves had taken it upon themselves to teach Bilbo of dwarven ways of living. The topics they chose were mostly based on what Bilbo would find uncomfortable, starting with the day when Kili had repeatedly reminded him how hairy their kin was. Like Bilbo needed any reminders. He _was _trapped in a body of a dwarf and _had _seen some of said body. The hobbit tried desperately not to stare or touch too much, it felt like intruding. But nature _did_ call every once in a while, and Bilbo had nothing else to do but answer when such a call came. So, when Kili had made an attempt to start the whole _„Here are the diferences between hobbit and dwarf bodies" _lecture, Bilbo had shushed him and hissed through clenched teeth that thank you very much, he was quite aware of the differences. That had earned him a moment of thoughtful silence from the younder Durins, and it was followed by another roar of laughter.

„Yes, I should have guessed that such curious little fellow as yourself would have gotten a good look by now." Kili had said, draping one arm over Bilbo's shoulders and wiping tears put of his eyes with the other.

„I'm not little." Bilbo had aswered, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. „I'm taller than you, you goof." The hobbit said before stalking away from the still giggling brothers.

„He is taller than you, you know." He had heard Fili's voice behind him.

„Oh, shut up, you're shorter than me!"

„Yes, but I'm older. And wiser. And more handsome."

„I'll see how handsome you are with a broken nose!"

„Get off me, you mook!"

„Both of you, that's enough!" For once Bilbo had been glad for Thorin's hatred of all kinds of fun.

* * *

The next time Fili and Kili ended up lecturing Bilbo was after Thorin had caught a sight of the hobbit struggling with keeping Orcrist on his belt without it slowing him down. Apparently the sight had not been too impressive, and so Thorin's nephews were given a task to teach their burglar how to use a sword.

„A _real _sword. Not this pocket knife." The dwarf had said to Bilbo.

After the hobbit had pointed out that he was okay with a sword and didn't need any training, Thorin stopped him with a glare.

„Oh yes, you do. If we end up in a battle, I would like to keep both my eyes, thank you very much." He had barked before walking away.

And so now Bilbo found himself with Orcrist in his hands, standing opposite two smiling and very smug dwarves. He almost wished he could use the sword to wipe those looks off their faces. Maybe he could, if he only took a swing...

„So. Master hobbit." Kili began ceremoniously, walking towards him with hands behind his back. „It has come to our attention that you are.. What was the word?" The dwarf pretended to be deep in thought. Bilbo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. „Ah, yes, _hopeless_ with a sword."

„And it's a shame, since you have a nice sword like _that_ in your posession." Fili chimed in. This time the hobbit didn't resist the urge and did roll his eyes.

„It would also be a shame," Kili continued in the meantime, „if Thorin lost some of his body parts just because _you_ don't know which end to grab."

Fili snorted. Bilbo rolled his eyes in the other direction. He would most definitely get a headache.

„Yes, yes, I'm clumsy and have no idea how to use this." The hobbit looked down to the sword in his hands. „But if Thorin is so worried, why doesn't he teach me himself? It is _his_ sword after all."

„Ah, yes, but once again – he doesn't wish to lose body parts." Fili said with a grin. „This time, we mean his _hobbit_ body parts."

„And what about your body parts, huh?" Bilbo asked with what he hoped was a psychotic glare. It would serve those to well to think he had gone all crazy on them. „Isn't your _hobbit_ uncle afraid you might return to him missing some of them after training me?"

Kili simply shrugged and Fili squared his shoulders. „Well, we are not fragile, master burglar." The older brother said.

„And we are not afraid of you, either." The youngest added with a cheeky grin.

Bilbo had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Somehow he knew that physically hurting his nephews wouldn't help to improve his relationship with Thorin. Although, if they bugged Thorin as much as they did him, he couldn't really see how the dwarf could get mad either.

But no, hobbits were calm folk, and Bilbo Baggins was still at least partly a hobbit. He would approach this situation with diplomacy and serenity.

„Okay, big boys, show me what to do." The hobbit said quietly. „Come and teach me, oh masters!" He added with a pompous bow.

The brothers laughed. „He's okay, our burglar, isn't he, brother?" Kili said to Fili, who nodded in agreement.

„So, we will start with the basics."...

* * *

What Bilbo guessed was two hours later they returned to their camp, to find that most of their company had already eaten their dinner and were getting ready for sleep. They grabbed their portions of food, ate quickly and Bilbo got up to go and get ready for sleep as well. He saw Thorin approach Fili and ask him something. The hobbit was sure it was about him and their training. Not wanting to see Thorin's reaction to information he got (and Bilbo was sure the dwarf wouldn't be too happy, he never was), he simply laid down and closed his eyes.

Bilbo heard footsteps approaching, and felt a body lay down next to him.

„So, Fili says you are not as hopeless as we thought." Thorin whispered.

The hobbit opened his eyes in surprise. He could swear he saw the corner of Thorin's mouth move, as if he wanted to smile.

„But don't flatter yourself too much, you still have a long way to go." Of course, there was no way Thorin's approval would be so easily gained. „Just because you managed not to wound anyone, it doesn't mean that you're ready for battle."

Bilbo sighed and closed his eyes once again, sure that the conversation was over. He cracked one eye open when he felt that Thorin was still looking at him.

„What?" The question came out harsher than he had intended.

„Tomorrow we are crossing a river. There is one ahead, Dwalin and I found the place where it would be most comfortable to cross. You should be prepared." Thorin said quickly, any remnants of that almost-smile gone from his face.

Not being sure why he was being let in on such information, the hobbit was at loss on how to respond. But he needed to respond, yes. Anything would do.

„Yes, uhm, thank you." Bilbo said quietly. „Good night, Thorin." He added after the dwarf laid down and covered with himself with his heavy coat.

„Good night, burglar."

The hobbit was almost surprised to actually get a response.

* * *

Crossing the river turned out to be much more difficult than Bilbo had anticipated. They had spent good part of the morning thinkng of ways that would be most effective. Since they had been warned by both Beorn and Gandalf that everything in Mirkwood was potentially dangerous, they were reluctant to simply swim across. So, in the end they had decided to build a makeshift bridge, which took them a couple more hours. It was nothing more than a fallen tree trunk that they had dragged over to the river and both Fili and Kili had been the first ones to cross, in order to secure it on the other end.

Finally, when the bridge was done, one by one they crossed it. Bilbo noticed with suprise that Bombur turned out to be pretty elegant when walking on a narrow path. Thorin had stayed last, despite the protests from Dwalin. Since no one told him when to go, and Bilbo was reluctant to leave his body behind, he stayed with Thorin until they were the only two left.

„You next, master Baggins." Thorin said in a voice that didn't allow any arguments.

When Bilbo hesitated, the dwarf added. „I am not leaving you here alone. So go. Now."

The hobbit sighed to himself and tried to keep his hands from shaking. It was only a couple of days ago when he was tumbling over his own boots, and now he was supposed to cross a possibly dangerous river walking on a pretty narrow tree trunk? Yes, sure, why not!

With slightly shaky legs Bilbo stepped onto the tree and tried to keep calm by counting his steps.

One step. Good, very good, he said to himself. One more. Just keep your eyes open and watch where you're going. One more step. Yes, just like that, calm and slow. One more.

It was just when he found himself on the other shore that Bilbo realised he had been holding his breath. He breathed in deeply and shook his head. He had done good. Better than expected. Someone clapped him on the back.

„You okay, Bilbo?" Kili asked sincerely. It had to be one of those rare times when there was no mockery or laughter in his voice.

„Yes, thank you, I'm fine." He managed a small smile.

Kili mirrorred his smile and turned to see where his uncle was currently moving his hobbit feet carefully over their bridge. Bilbo followed his gaze and held his breath once again. Thorin was still on the far end of the tree, he looked so small and fragile with dark and evil Mirkwood looming over him, and it was almost painful to watch. The hobbit suddenly realized that this was the way his companions had been seing him since the beginning of their journey. No wonder they had thought he wasn't made for this. He now surely wanted to pick that frail little body up, give him a stern look and send him home. A foul place like this wasn't for such gentle folk.

By now Thorin was already half way across. Suddenly Bilbo felt like his head was spinning. Something wasn't right, he couldn't explain it if asked, but he felt it in the back of his mind. All of the noises became one common incoherent mumble and faded into the background. For half a moment he couldn't understand what it meant, but still he kept his eyes on Thorin. And that's when he saw it. In slow motion he saw one of Thorin's feet slip on the tree, he leaned heavily to his right and tried to regain balance. For a second it looked as though he had gotten back up, but then he suddenly was leaning very dangerously to his left, definitely not being able to regain his balace once more, he would fall into the water.

Bilbo's body moved before his mind did. When his brain realised that he should be doing something, he was already on the edge where water met solid ground, his left foot steppind onto the tree and his left arm reaching out to grab Thorin. He managed to get a grip of something; arm or leg, or neck – he didn't care. He jerked his arm back to him and used his left foot as leverage to jump back, pulling Thorin with him.

And then he was falling, absent mindedly noticing the smaller body that was following him, and not knowing where he was going to land.

The fall seemed endless.

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**Any thoughts? Any at all? :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! Soooooo sorry for the delay, it's just that I've got this other fanfic going, the idea came to me and wouldn't leave me alone, so I had to pay attention to it. But I've never forgotten about this one, I've planned many fun things ahead for the company, so keep on reading! :)  
****Again - thank you for reviewing, favoriting and following, your interest in this story keeps me going and every time I see a new review or new story follower/favorite alert in my mailbox - it puts a smile on my face and gives me a nudge to sit down and start typing! :)  
****And yes, I'm ****_kind of _**** sorry for ending the last chapter with a cliffhanger, but you sometimes need them, right? :D  
****_The Triangle_****_ Prone_**** - thank you for pointing out that my quoatation marks are funky, I hadn't noticed that and had to google how to fix them since ****_MS Word_**** kept making them the weird way. I succeeded and now they're fine, I like them better this way :D Oh, and it's extremely flattering to know that your friend is not getting any sleep because you like this story - I'm not even sorry :D**

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**VI**

Thorin wasn't aware that he was falling until he saw his burglar move past his nephew with fear written all over his face, and his eyes... He had never seen his own eyes so full of emotion, main of them was the same fear that made the hobbit jump into action and towards him. His world stopped as he watched his own body move in slow motion, movements clear and precise, the hobbit somehow had managed to get a determinated set to his jaw and for a fleeting moment Thorin felt proud.

He learned pretty quickly that his hobbit body didn't have the same reflexes as he was used to. As he kept watching the halfling move, Thorin tried desperately to remember what Beorn had told them about touching water in Mirkwood. Obviously, it had to be something bad, a wicked place like this couldn't have anything in it that wasn't sinister. And he knew that it was in his blood to fight anything that could bring him any harm. But he didn't move, didn't make an attempt to avoid the fall.

Thorin absently noted that the halfling's body did make an instinctive attempt to stay upright and realized that it was futile when the fall continued. He had a quick thought that his own dwarven body would react, fight and keep on going on it's own, reflexively, because it was made for living on instinct. The body that he was in now knew nothing of self defense, it couldn't fight and suddenly Thorin was painfully aware how much will power their burglar had to have to lead this body into battle, when even he, a rightful King under the mountain, couldn't do it right now. And he had always prided himself for his own strenght of character.

A sudden wave of warmth and respect flooded him as he saw the dark surface of the river moving closer to him. Thorin wanted to move, wanted to save this body from any harm, but couldn't make himself look away from the eyes that were his but belonged to his burglar. A scary thought came to him that if he was to die, he was fine with doing so while looking into those eyes.

The thought was lost when he felt strong hands grab him an pull him forward. Reality came rushing back to him as he was pushed against solid surface that he suspected was his own dwarven chest, and then he kept falling. He almost expected the fall to continue in the same slow motion as before, but the idea was cut short when they came to a sudden stop.

Sounds of the outside world returned fast and quick with yells from their company and a grumble from under him. At first he struggled to make his body move, but then slowly managed to put both palms against the solid chest he was lying on and push away from.

After being met with fur and leather, Thorin let his gaze wonder upwards until he met eyes of the halfling. He looked scared, relieved and somehow confused. Thorin had to wonder if his body had done all of the work and the halfling had simply observed it from the front row seat; the confusion confirmed that. He wanted to chase that look away, but didn't manage to do so before the voices around them started calling their names.

"Thorin!"

"Bilbo!"

"Are you alright?"

"Gave us quite a scare there, laddie."

Thorin kept quiet as he tried to maintain his dignity while getting up. He was well aware that his current situation made his dwarves uncomfortable and was gratefult because it meant that there would be no discussing of the accident with him present. He felt too confused to be able to talk about this with any authority.

He got up and stepped away from their burglar. He nodded in response to Dwalin's silent question while his nephews helped the hlafling up from where he was laying flat in the dirt. His fur coat would be in desperate need of some cleaning, but Thorin had no doubts that the hobbit would take care of that.

"You've got quite the reflexes, Master Burglar!" Kili said clapping their hobbit on the shoulder.

"Not _my_ reflexes." The hobbit mumbled under his breath and Thorin was surprised to realize that he found it endearing instead of annoying. Since when did he not care when their burglar made his body do things that it wasn't supposed to. Like mumbling, tripping over his own feet and managing to get his hair all tangled up.

"Yours or not, laddie, but they did save you two from falling right in." Bless Balin for saying things the way that he did, not mentioning that it was Thorin's own clumsiness that had almost cost them a lot.

"You did land one foot in, though, but I think the leather kept any water away." Fili said as he bent down to examine the boots.

"Wai, what?!" The hobbit yelped as he was suddenly broken out of the trance he was in. "What do you mean, I landed in water? Beorn said it was dangerous, right?" His voice was panicked and Thorin cringed. Well, he did care about the hobbit making his face dance to his emotional whims after all.

"I think he said something about tiny parasties that could get through even metal." Kili chimed in, eager to come up with the scariest idea.

"Yea, and I remember something about the water eating flesh off your bones if you're not careful enough." Fili wasn't staying behind. "Oh, I think there's steam coming from your boots, Master Hobbit!"

"Ah, yes, I think it's the poison starting to eat through the leather."

"Look out, I think I just saw something crawl up your leg!"

Their burglar's eyes went wide as saucers and Thorin had to swallow down a growl upon seeing his own face expressing such un-kingly emotions. And just a moment ago he had actually felt proud for the dumb little thing. Had he not learned by now that his nephews were up to spreading mischief whenever an opportunty presented itself?

Making sure to gather his majestic posture and trying to atjust his voice so that he didn't sound like a hobbit in trouble, Thorin prepared to give his nephews a piece of his mind.

Unfortunately, Dwalin beat him to it.

"Keep yer cakeholes shut, ye mindless dwarflings!" He said while standing between the two rascals and smacking them on the head. "The halfling just saved yer reckless uncle's ass, ye don't need to make him faint." Thorin decided to ignore the comment directed towards him.

Upon receiving what seemed to be a thankful smile from their burglar Dwalin furrowed his brow and added. "Not while he's standing so close to the water."

The hobbit gulped and Thorin resisted a smile of his own. While their burglar realized most of the times when his nephews were messing with him, he always failed to recognize Dwalin's attempts of a joke. Thorin met his friend's amused gaze with a smirk of his own.

The two youngsters meanwhile scowled with a cooperative "Oww!"

"This is child abuse!" Kili yelped while his brother settled for a simple pout.

"You finally admit that you are a child then?" Thorin said and was pleased to hear that his voice seemed to be void of any indications that he was preparing to die just mere moments ago.

Kili copied his brother's pout.

"Ah, don't be such a babe." Dwalin said as he threw an arm around the younger dwarf's shoulder, who's pout only got bigger. That got him a roar of laughter from their group.

Meanwhile their buglar seemed to recover his wits as he pointed to Kili. "I think we might have to tie him to a rope or something, he's got so much air in him, he might actually fly off." He said with a vindictive smile.

That got them another laugh and Fili joining in. "Yes, he has always had a talent for pouting." He said as he eyed his brother teasingly.

"Yeah, well, don't make me tell them about _your_ talents, smartass." Kili spat back while trying to get out of Dwalin's grasp. "Are we camping here, or are we gonna walk our asses further?" He said, finally managing to get away from Dwalin, grabbing his backpack and storming off.

Thorin felt pride swell deep inside his hobbit chest at the grace and majesty his nephew managed to radiate off him when he did that. No doubt, there would be a deserving heir to the throne in him.

He looked at their burglar and noticed that he looked genuinely disturbed by Kili's sudden burst out. Of course, the had no way of knowing of his nephews usual temper tantrums; amongst their kin Kili was well known for joking around, but sometimes not knowing how to take a joke himself. It would only take him a couple minutes of silence to get back to his ususal cheery self. Thorin was already preparing to open his mouth and tell their burglar not to worry when Fili managed to speak first.

"Ah, don't you worry, uncle Bilbo, Kili loves to make a scene once in a while." He said reassuringly while gathering his own things. "I assure you, he'll be back to pulling your chain in no time." And off he was, hurrying after his brother.

"Yes, _uncle _Bilbo, don't ye worry." Dwalin chimed in as he gave their hobbit a clap on the back. And if their burglar's eyes weren't popping out of their sockets earlier, they certainly were now. Dwalin definitely had some things he could teach the youngsters. "Come on now, let's get movin'!" Dwalin commanded to the rest of their group who had spent last few moments observing the scene around them will poorly hidden amusement.

They all picked up their bags and followed the direction Fili and Kili had gone. Thorin stayed behind hoping to get a word alone with his burglar without making it obvious. He guessed that it was just a simple need to express his gratitude for 'saving his reckless ass' as Dwalin had stated earlier.

He was already walking towards the halfling and opening his mouth to speak when he saw Bofur walk up to him and slap him on the shoulder with a smile. The hobbit smiled nervously in return, apparently happy for having some company.

Thorin stopped in his tracks and felt a frown form on his forehead. He took the burglar's backpack and prepared himself for stomping off like his nephew had done earlier when he caught Dwalin's mocking gaze. Apparently his comrade was extremely high-spirited today. He wasn't sure if he liked him this way anymore.

"Don't." He growled as he moved past Dwalin who had made sure not to leave his side ever since he had been set to live in this hobbit body.

"Wasn't saying anything, master _hobbit_."

Thorin suspected that his ears went red when he heard Dwalin's booming laughter behind him. Yes, he definitely likes the glooming and menacing Dwalin better. No doubt about it.

* * *

Bilbo kept up his pace as he tried to listen to Bofur who was cheerfully babbling away right next to him, but his mind kept slipping away.

He still wasn't sure what had happened earlier. No matter how desperately he tried to remember the chain of events, he couldn't recall the moment when and why he had leapt forward. One thing that he couldn't but desperately wanted to forget was the look in Thorin's eyes. He looked confused and ready to give up, and Bilbo would definitely think that that had been a simple hallucination, something his mind had made up, had it not been carved into his memory so vividly.

Now it all seemed like a blur, he barely remembered falling on his back in the dirt, having Thorin land on top of him, getting up with the help of Fili and Kili. He remembered looking at Thorin, and wanting to believe that he was no longer in danger now that he was standing on solid, unmoving ground.

It was only when Fili mentioned his foot landing in water that he had regained full consciousness. He tried desperately to remember Beorn's and Gandalf's warnings about this place, and had come up empty. Then Fili and Kili had decided to get a good laugh out of the whole situation and while Bilbo realized that they were probably just kidding, after getting stuck in a dwarven King's body, he wasn't sure what was simply a joke and what could actually turn out to be true.

Then another thing that had happened that had shattered Bilbo's reality into nothing. Dwalin had actually jumped into conversation without sounding like he was going to kill someone. To top it all, he had actually acknowledged Bilbo's presence and once again, had done that without sounding murderous.

A weird day, that was all he could muster to say to himself.

To his relief, Bilbo found out pretty quickly that Fili had been right about Kili not pouting for too long. When they had caught up with two brothers who had hurried off first, they were already chatting in cheery voices and Kili had graced Bilbo with a sunny smile and a wink. Bilbo had given the dwarf one of his most earnest smiles in return.

They didn't continue walking for long, all of them being pretty tired from crossing the river earlier. Soon after Thorin had told them to stop they had come across a widening of the path that turned out to be some kind of a meadow. The grass was actually green, not black or dirty brown like they had gotten used to. The meadow was almost round, it was surrounded by trees and if he looked up, Bilbo could almost see a tiny circle of blue sky. He hadn't expected to find such a beautiful place in a foul forest like Mirkwood, and that made him suspicious.

And he wasn't the only one who wasn't fooled by this unexpected beauty. Immediately after entering the meadow their group of dwarves split and went to check out the perimeter. They soon found out that there was nothing suspicious hiding in the tree line, but still decided to keep watch, just like always.

Since they were far away from the trees, Thorin allowed Oin and Gloin to build a fire in the middle of the meadow, the idea was met with a loud cheer from their group. Bilbo put his belongings down not far away from where the fire was being built and decided to take a look around.

The meadow was not big, but there was enough space for them to sleep more freely, not as crammed up close to each other as they had gotten used to while sleeping on a narrow path. He walked along the tree line and spotted the path as it continued on the other end of the meadow. He secretly wished that they would spend more than one night in this place, it felt great to be able to breath more freely, he suddenly realized how depressed the forest actually made him. Or was it his current situation with Thorin, he couldn't quite tell.

"Uncle Hobbit!" Bilbo heard a voice behind him as he was making his way towards the pathway they would have to walk on tomorrow. He rolled his eyes silently and prepared his patience.

"Hello there, are you ignoring us now?" Kili exclaimed as he walked past Biblo and came face to face with him. "Are you annoyed with us or something?" He asked mischievously tilting his head in curiosity.

"No, of course not, why would I ever do such a thing!" Bilbo said with a healthy note of sarcasm in his voice. He quite liked the taste of Thorin's voice with that hint irony, especially now when he had learned to control said voice. More or less.

"Thought so." Kili broke into laughter.

"Don't be such a dimwit, brother, he's mocking us." Fili said as he came to stand next to his brother.

"Oh, really?" Kili pretended to be hurt. "You haven't made fun of us enough for one day?"

"Not us, you." Fili told his brother with a smirk. "Uncle Bilbo said nothing about _me_."

"Oh, don't get me started!" Kili huffed and Bilbo decided it was time for him to play uncle.

"Alright, that's _enough_!" He growled and was surprised himself about how precisely he had managed to copy Thorin.

The two dwarves before him had also noticed that and were staring at him with slightly gaped jaws. Bilbo swallowed down a smirk.

"Ah, close your mouths, you don't want some nasty Mirkwood flies to make camp in there."

Two sets jaws snapped closed in sync. This time Bilbo let the smirk play on his lips with full glory.

"He's starting to scare me a bit." Kili gulped as he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Yea, we'll have two Thorins soon enough."

"Did you want to say somethng to me or is it just another game of 'Let's annoy the hell out of the hobbit'?"

Two wide grins appeared in front of him and Bilbo couldn't resist a smile of his own.

"Actually, we wanted to thank you." Fili said with almost painful sincerity.

"For what?"

"For saving our uncle, of course." Kili answered with a little smirk that was no less sincere.

"Oh, that.. I, um.. I mean, of course, any one of you would have done the same." Bilbo felt blush creep up his neck and hoped that it wouldn't reach the spot where his fur coat didn't cover it anymore.

"Yes, but it was you, not someone else."

"Come to think of it, we never really thanked you for what you did in front of Azog."

Yes, now Bilbo was sure that the blush was making it's way towards his cheeks. "Really there's no need to thank me, any one of..."

"Just say 'you're welcome' and we'll leave you alone."

"You're welcome." The hobbit struggled to smile without blushing any further.

"Mhm." The brothers mumbled in unison, shot him smile and retreated without another word. Not what Bilbo had expected, definitely not.

He didn't continue his explorations as it was time for them to come for dinner.

They ate quickly and quietly. Being one of the first to finish, Bilbo found the spot where Thorin had deposided his backpack, took his belonging over there and shrug off his coat. He had been dreading this moment ever since he saw the dirt that he had been lying in after falling. The leather would be easy to clean, but the fur would probably prove to be a headache.

And the _hair_.

Bilbo was partly surprised that Thorin had said nothing about him messing up his hair, he had obviously seen it as he had been walking behind Bilbo on their way here. But there had been no huffs, no growls, no nasty comments. And although Bilbo had felt a couple of times that the dwarven king is watching him during dinner, he never managed to catch his gaze since Thorin kept looking away. Now he had gone to check out the perimeter once again with Dwalin and Bilbo decided that would have to get everything clean before Thorin returned, since the dwarf now used the coat every night during sleep.

Bilbo remembered seeing a bush with large leaves while scanning the tree line earlier, and since it had been raining a few days ago, he hoped that maybe he could collect enough water to actually wash his hair. He got up and borrowed a large bowl from where Bombur kept his kitchen supplies, and went in search of the bush.

He found it surprisingly quickly and discovered with relief that it's large leaves were holding generous amount of water. He would have to check for other similar bushes tomorrow morning, their main source of drinking water now came from the rain. Since rain wasn't coming from Mirkwood itself, they believed rain water to be quite safe for consumption.

Soon enough the bowl was full and Bilbo noted with satisfaction that there was plenty water left. He started walking back to where he had left the coat, thinking of the most efficient ways to clean it.

Bilbo was surprised to see Thorin back, preparing his sleeping cot. The dwarf looked at him suspiciously.

"Where were you?"

Bilbo counted to ten in his head and answered calmly. "Went to get some water to clean the coat. And the hair." He thought he saw Thorin cringe at the mention if his hair. Yes, he had definitely noticed how messed up it was.

"You're wasting what little clean water we have?" Thorin's voice was annoyed and Bilbo thought he saw something akin to anxiety on his face. He was pretty sure, actually, since he had been living with that face for longer than he would like to admit.

"You want me to keep it this way?" The hobbit asked with a cocked eyebrow. It's not like it was his coat or his hair to worry about.

The only answer he got was a grumble as Thorin sat down and took out a whetstone to sharpen the knife he now hept on his belt, right next to Bilbo's sword.

Well, if Thorin had decided to ignore him, Bilbo wasn't above ignoring the dwarf as well. He settled down on a patch of grass that was closer to fire than Thorin was, took a cloth from his backpack that once used to be one of his shirts and began to clean the coat.

Just like he had expected, the leather turned out to be easy to clean. Soon enough he found himself struggling with the fur. But Bilbo Baggins was patient, he had spent many evenings in his Hobbit hole, cleaning stubborn grass stains from his crisp white shirts. And he was always successfull, therefore had no doubt that his efforts would pay off.

Rather sooner than later he held his head up from the now clean fur and heard his neck crack. Apparently dwarvish bodies were much more durable, and he hadn't even noticed when his neck had gone stiff. He eyed the coat with pride, set it down gently and took a look around. Everyone seemed to be asleep, apart from Thorin who was first on watch and was still sitting almost next to him. Bilbo avoided looking at the dwarf directly, not wanting to give him a new reason to be annoyed with him.

Instead he settled into a more comfortable postition and started on cleaning his hair. It proved to be more difficult than he had anticipated as he struggled to bend his arms behind his back to get a good grip of the hair. Yes, dwarves were tough and strong, but he now discovered that they definitely weren't flexible. At one point Bilbo was sure he was going to dislocate his shoulder as he decided to add another entry to his list of things that were better for a hobbit – in his hobbit body he had always been able to scratch his back in any place, and wouldn't struggle with his hair like he was now.

He heard an exasperated huff somewhere behind him and felt soft hands swat his rough palms away and take hold of his hair.

"You could ask for help, you know." Thorin said in a voice that was almost too gentle to belong to him.

"I would if I had any idea of how you would react." He snapped in response, not quite enjoying Thorin's mood swings. "I mean, every time I look at you, I have no idea whether you're going to ignore me, yell at me, or throw me like a toy to those monsters you call nephews."

Bilbo was surprised to hear a chuckle from behind him, as soft hands kept stroking through his hair with a wet cloth. He could hear quiet splashes of water when Thorin would rinse the cloth in the bowl.

"Yes, they seem to have taken a certain liking of you." Thorin said, and Bilbo was sure he could hear a smile in his voice. "Sometimes I forget that they are still children, especially Kili."

"And that's why a hobbit is their favorite victim?"

"It's not because you are a hobbit, or because they think that you are weaker." Thorin's voice was patient and calm, and Bilbo was surprised to hear such love and affection. He had never heard Thorin talk about his nephews, and only now did the hobbit realize how important they were to him. "They are used to our reactions of them, most of our kin have learned to ignore them, therefore it's no fun. But _your_ reactions, master hobbit, are priceless."

"Wonderful." Bilbo grumbled.

"I'd say it is, yes. I mean, today they even managed to get some reactions from Dwalin, and believe me when I tell you, that he is a tough one."

"You don't need to tell me that."

There was another laugh from behind. Bilbo had expected Thorin to continue speaking, but instead they settled into silence. He wouldn't really call it uncomfortable.

Then after a few moments Thorin spoke. "I have failed to thank you, master Baggins, for doing what you did today." Bilbo smiled to himself at Thorin's inability to say the words 'save me' out loud.

"It's not.. I mean, you are welcome." The hobbit answered, remembering what the younger dwarves had told him earlier about accepting thanks.

He heard a hum of agreement from Thorin and felt drowsiness creep upon him from having soft hands stroke through his hair in a soothing manner. He hadn't heard splashes from the bowl for a while, and suspected that Thorin had already gotten his hair clean. But he quite enjoyed the sensation and didn't say anything.

"I do love these dwarven instincts." Bilbo said out loud when he had only planned to say it quietly in his head. But hell, it was out and so be it.

"I believe you do." Thorin's voice was flat and emotionless.

"And I'm sorry you're stuck in my useless hobbit body." Wow, he was indeed becoming drowsy and losing the filter between his head and tongue.

"It's not that bad."

"I somehow find it hard to believe you." Bilbo closed his eyes and felt himself begin nodding off.

"I think it's time for you to rest, master Baggins." Thorin said gently as he ran his hand through Bilbo's hair one last time.

"Yes, yes, I guess you are right." Bilbo said as he stood up and walked the short distance to where his sleeping cot was. He quickly made his bed and settled down for sleep, enjoying the feeling of clean hair, it was wet and smelled of rain water. "By the way, would it kill you to call me Bilbo?" He mumbled while slipping off into slumber.

"No, I guess it would not." An quiet answer came from where Thorin's sleeping cot was on his left side. "Good night, Bilbo."

The hobbit wasn't sure in the morning if that had really happened or had just been a fruit of his imagination.

* * *

**While I was writing this, a thought came to me - do they even know what a _reflex_ is in Middle Earth? :D I mean, I think the meaning of that term is quite modern, and logically - in Tolkien's universe they should have another word for it. But since I couldn't figure how to change it, I left 'reflex' where it was. Anyways, I'd love to hear what you think about little things like this - using words that are quite modern to describe events in this universe? :)**


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